Posts Tagged ‘trust’

Deja vu.

Here we go again...

I’ve had this conversation before.

As I sit around with my other evil genius pals, planning out how to take over the “hobbyist” world, this scenario plays out over and over again. How to gain access. How to infiltrate. How to get in unnoticed. If, say, one was a reporter, a cop or just someone looking to manipulate the system, how do you get your foot in the door? Most of the escort message boards and online forums have layers of built in security. But as any Bond villain will tell tell you, it’s the simplest plans that work best. And, as any Bond villain also knows, the girl is always the key.

For whatever nefarious purposes, you’re trying to create a Trojan Horse persona to grant you access to the inner circles of the hobbyist/escort community. Well, any guy can call himself a hobbyist, but if you don’t have any well established escorts vouching for you, you’re left out in the cold. The answer then, is obvious. You need a girl. You become a girl.

From the early days of the cyber sex chat rooms, perverts everywhere have known this. The girl is the key. You can pretend to be a brain surgeon astronaut spy all day long, but no one’s gonna bite. But as soon as a girl enters the room, she’s swarmed. You didn’t really think all those hot horny lonely girls online were really hot horny lonely girls, did you?

For the purposes of manipulating the escort forums, how does one ‘become a girl’? First step, set up a website. Make sure to give yourself a sexy name. Pictures will help. You can find those pretty much anywhere. If you’re willing to steal somebody else’s pics, that is. But, hey, you’ve come this far, what do you care about stealing some ho’s content? You join the forums under your sexy new name. Participate a bit, drive traffic to your new website/blog. Make sure to talk — a lot– about how hot horny lonely sexy slutty you are. The sluttier the better. You’ll get lots of interest from the “hobbyists.” That is, after all what they’re there for. Sooner or later, they’ll be clamoring to see you. They can’t, of course, unless y’all are dying to try out some sort of “Crying Game” scenario. But that’s not a problem, because you have no intention of actually seeing anyone.  You’re exclusive. You’re all booked up. You’re much too hot and sexy to see just anyone.  And you certainly aren’t going to lower your standards for them.

The forums are mostly geared to screen out the guys. There are many reasons for the lopsided prejudice. Cops are men, rapists are men, pimps are men. And that last one actually probably has more to do with the increased vigilance of men. The ever-on-alert board mods are looking, not for the potential danger, but for the fake review. Because that’s what matters to them. Remember that. To be fair, a lot of escorts have been known to attempt to create fake “hobbyists” in order to write themselves a glowing review. What no one seems to be on the lookout for, however, is the fake “escort” vouching for… well, “herself.”

Everyone gets splattered

The shit finally hits the fan.

We’ve been going ’round and ’round about this for a while now, haven’t we? For the better part of a year, escorts, strippers, cam girls, models, bloggers, and journalists have been saying “something’s wrong.”
By then, though, the masquerade had become so real to some that every alert raised, every warning shouted, every veil lifted was met with cries of: “you’re just jealous.”
Yeah, jealousy. That’s why wave after wave after wave of real, verifiable sex workers and their advocates were saying “something’s wrong.”
What’s just as telling as who did raise a red flag is who didn’t.
There’s the usual assortment of sycophants, those who invested so much in believing the lie that they couldn’t bear to let go of their own fantasies. There are those who saw the evidence of deception and basically shrugged their shoulders and said “so what?” Then there are those who knew, who were aware that people were being lied to, that someone was manipulating the system, that people were being put in danger… and did nothing. Worse than doing nothing, some of them reveled, delighted in the possibility that harm may befall someone, even if only as collateral damage from the scandal. But that’s to be expected from the sort of community culture that treats women as door prizes.
Make no mistake, people knew. The one thing every villain needs is accomplices, co-conspirators.
But as an evil genius, you’re smart enough to not let your fake girl make the only unforgivable mistake: writing a fake review.
The lip service, the party line, the public policy is that the message/review/social networking forums exist to make everyone safe. The reality is that the only important thing is the valid review. Real women being put at risk barely raises a blip on their radar. Fake reviews on the other hand, that’s a hanging offense, on par only with being an uppity, outspoken female.

I’ve been asked a lot in the last few days about what I knew and when I knew it. Having been one of those who wrote, repeatedly, about the dangers presented by impostors, and having had some access to ‘insider’ sources. I know that there were people in a position to know that a certain online persona was a fake, a faux, a fabrication. But they were more interested in maintaing the fraudulent female than protecting the real ones. Because the presence of the hot horny slutty girl, willing to take on all comers, no matter how fallacious, was more beneficial to to their bottom line than exposing the con. Because if the highest profile, most prolific “whore” in their stable is exposed as a figment of some self-styled eroticist’s fevered imagination, then every other review becomes suspect. If you can’t believe that the girl everyone is vouching for is real, then how can you believe that the girl with only one or two or three reviews is real. Of course, the fake girl has no reviews at all; she can’t, she’s not really out there sucking stranger’s dicks for money. And if she only has one review from one guy –who’s only reviewed ‘her’– then the fantasy falls apart.
Over the course of the past year or so, I’ve written about this one particular deception. I’ve also written about others. As I look at the online escort landscape, I see more and more fakes. In light of the recent revelations, when you see an ‘escort’ with no reviews, no pictures, no website, yet pages and pages and pages of salacious stories of their exceedingly slutty exploits… that no one can verify… maybe everything is not as we are expected to believe. Throw in the overt, obvious, almost desperate attempts to cash in with book, TV or movie deals, then all signs point to “faux.”

No, I don’t know “PatBo”. But I do know that he’s not alone.

If they could see me now.

Clueless

Just last week, unannounced, right out of nowhere, my ‘trust’ level went up a notch on one of the local “hobbyist” message boards. You know the one I mean. The one that pretends its really just a social networking site, not a meet up site for hookers & johns. The one that thinks they’ve got the most trustworthy whoremongers in town, when in fact, they’re just the cheapest. The one where (by conservative estimates) somewhere around 30% of the “hobbyists” are undercover cops.

I say it was unannounced, unexpected, because I haven’t done anything recently to warrant a change in level, much less an upward tick. I haven’t done any of the hobby-positive things on which they claim to base their rankings. I haven’t written any new reviews there. I haven’t ‘exchanged trust’ with anyone. I haven’t been a misogynist dillhole. Oh wait, that last one is just an unwritten rule.

I couldn’t help but chuckle inwardly, thinking if they only knew that the guy they just moved up a level is the guy writing this site, maybe they wouldn’t have been so free with their ‘trust.’ Hell, maybe they dont know about my little blog here. Nah, as obsessively as they check their stats, they’ve seen the incoming clicks from here. They’ve read it. They’ve even commented here. Yeah, i can see where my hits are coming from, too.
But then I remembered the news from last week. The confession, the guilty plea, the upcoming sentencing. And I realized that Some Guy writing a blog that’s often critical of their standards, practices and predilections pales in comparison to the guy doing time.
And they still trust him. Plenty.

In among the wolves.

Keeping an eye on you.

As most of you who have blogs or websites know, we can see where the clicks to our sites are coming from.There are stat trackers galore and even the most basic blogging package has a hit counter of some sort. For example, I can see what websites I’m being linked to, I can see what web search terms people are using to stumble upon my little corner of the web.

Yeah, I can see that the most common search term used to direct traffic to the ol’ Hooker Addict is tied in to an essay I wrote some 5-6 months ago. For some reason, the topic refuses to die. I can see that I’m still getting traffic from a comment I posted on another blog months ago. And I guess I should be flattered that people searching for “huge cock” are being directed to me.

And I can see when you guys are talking about me on your message boards.

Because I’m one of you.

That’s right guys. I’m on your message boards, I’m in your private clubs, I’m on the ‘men only’ boards.

I wrote not too long ago about the social horror of the Hooker/Hobbyist Meet & Greet. Social awkwardness coupled with a sense of entitlement is a bad combination. A certain local message/review board linked to my blog on a thread about meet & greets. I could see every time someone clicked that link in that thread. But I didn’t need a stat tracker to tell me I’d been linked. I could read it myself.

And then you guys kicked it up a notch. You moved the discussion to the private men only board. Here, as you so often do, you used the cloak of internet invisibility, not to look inward but to lash out. But you didn’t lash out at me, did you?

I’m watching you. I know all you guys. I’ve partied with you. Hell, I may (or may not) have commented on that thread.

You wonder why I don’t like “hobbyists”? It’s because of that behavior. The venue brings out the worst in you. Some of you I have personally liked, I’ve had drinks with you, or maybe I just had a drink while you drank club soda. But based on your behavior behind closed Internet doors, maybe it’s time you start working the steps again. Maybe make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourselves again.

What are you saying? Your jacket doesn’t fit right with that knife in your back? Malcontent? Off your meds? What an amusing bon mot, joking about how a certain hooker actually likes being groped! Of course, she also likes doing bareback gangbangs, but you forgot to mention that part.

I’ll keep watching you, I’ll keep writing about you. And I’ll keep waiting for you to revisit Step 9.

Don’t piss off a hooker.

gotcha

Stick around the escort/hobbyist message boards long enough, you’re likely to see all manner of stupid behavior. Sometimes I think these guys want to get caught.

I had a friend…

He was active on one of the sleazier local message boards, a big guy, highly trusted. If you wanted to get “in” with someone on the board, he was the guy who’s ring you had to kiss. A funny, affable guy, always willing to lend a hand.  There was a time when he would post a hundred times a day. He had dozens of reviews under his belt. This was a guy who was hooked up, plugged in, connected. I haven’t seen him lately. Wasn’t at the last meet & greet, he’s no longer an active participant on any of the boards, and he hasn’t written a new review in ages.

He’s also unemployed.

So what happened, what went wrong? And what does this have to do with not getting caught fucking hookers? My friend should have known better, but he got stupid. And it kicked him right in the balls.

One of the recurring topics of discussion on the hobbyist boards is ‘falling in love with a hooker.’ There are a lot of pros and cons to that particular situation, and they’ve been discussed ad nauseam. Personally, I think one of the reasons this keeps cropping up is the unspoken fantasy many “hobbyists” have that they’ll be so good, so studly, so irresistible that the high-dollar hottie will fall madly in love with him and leave behind her sordid life of hot sex and big bucks. Not to say that it never happens or can’t happen, but chances are it won’t happen. I believe that in life, one must always be open to all possibilities, but it’s also wise to be aware of boundaries. But this isn’t a story of falling in love with an escort. Just the opposite. What got my friend into trouble, and eventually cost him his job was a different kind of obsession.

Certain characteristics inherent in online technologies increase the likelihood that they will be exploited for deviant purposes. The escort message, advertising and review boards are built for anonymity. And deviant purposes.  And unlike being a bully in person, electronic bullies can remain virtually anonymous using temporary email accounts, pseudonyms in chat rooms; this, they think, frees them from normal social constraints on their behavior.

This erstwhile friend would spend hours and hours every day on the message board. And he started to believe his own hype; that his exalted ‘trust’ level was not only a cudgel he could wield against those escorts who disagreed with him, but also a wall he could hide behind for safety. He took a turn from flirting and being the jovial good guy into haranguing, harassing and hounding girls online. Electronic forums often lack supervision, and cyber bullies (or ‘trusted’ hobbyists) often feel emboldened by their perceived anonymity, their perceived power, their perceived attractiveness. Hiding behind the screen name allows them to launch attacks and carry out an antagonistic agenda because it takes less energy and courage to express hurtful comments using a keyboard than face to face.

Gossip, drama and innuendo are always on the menu on the message boards, and this one was no different. My once-upon-a-time friend felt invincible. He had been on the board for a long time and had a long, long, long list of supporters, followers and sycophants. So when girls would argue with him, disagree with him or just plain call him on his bullshit, he spared no effort on attacking them. But because he had felt invincible for so long, he let his guard down. He thought nothing of boasting about his high-profile job, he used his real name on the boards, he often posted his own picture. And the incessant posting. Hour after hour, day in and day out.

And when finally, the subjects of his ongoing attacks had reached the end of their patience, they struck back. They banded together to put him in his place. Hookers started calling his office. They called his boss, they called corporate headquarters, they called human resources. Seems that major multi-national corporations don’t look favorably on their employees spending their work hours perusing the hooker boards, connecting through the company Internet portal. Specially a company that has their employees sign a morals clause in their employment contract.

My former friend had it all. And he lost it all. He had a nice home, a good job, and all the pussy he could handle. And he threw it all away for self-aggrandizement on a hooker review board. He didn’t respect the boundaries and he didn’t respect the escorts.

But, hey, you’re different, right? Or maybe you’re OK with being in your 40’s, divorced, unemployed and living with your parents.

Not good for outcalls, but at least Mom does your laundry

Trust Me

Who do you trust?

Relationships are built on trust. Your kids trust you to teach them. Your friends trust you to be there for them. Your wife trusts you not to go around screwing hookers. Eh, what are ya gonna do?

The concept of “Trust” as applied to the provider/hobbyist milieu is a complicated one. Everyone has a certain level of trust when they knock on that hotel room door for the first time. Is she going to look like her pictures? I’m trusting she will. Is he going to arrest her? She’s trusting he won’t. Is she going to arrest me? Well, at that point, I don’t care what she looks like.

I was reminded of the importance trust recently. First, the whole impostor scandal reminded us all that it’s sometimes easy to get taken in by someone with a gift for fiction. Then there’s something I read on one of those “hobbyist” message boards masquerading as social networking sites.

This site has taken the ‘trust’ concept and escalated it to it’s most ridiculous extreme. In theory, it works like this: Guy sees girl. Everyone has sexy fun time, no one gets arrested (or worse), she goes home a few bucks in the black, he goes home and tries to explain to his wife where his paycheck went. But I digress.

After that pleasurable exchange, they can then each vouch for the other. She can let other providers know he’s trustworthy, he can brag to his online buddies about how many times he made her cum before he popped off for the third time while doing her doggy style. But I digress. So now he’s earned ‘trust.’ Simple. You scratch my back, I cum all over your back. But they couldn’t leave it at that. It’s become a completely different animal. Not content with tit-for-tat, they’ve turned the whole thing into some sort of perverted Dungeons & Dragons. There are Levels, points, arcane rules and algorithms. No longer is it a simple exchange, now you’re graded on karma, judgement, and a whole slew of picayune esoterica. It’s no longer enough to be a safe, clean, civilian guy with cash, now you have to be a Level 2 knight elf with FX points and good karma. It’s like World of Whorecraft.

Low Hangers

Two years ago, there was a serious crime committed. In the dark of a northwestern night, a man lay dead, shot in the back. Like something out of a pulp crime novel, a man’s life was taken, his children left fatherless, in a plot to profit from the property and life insurance policies. The plotters, murderers, sit behind bars. The victim’s estranged wife, mother to the son who witnessed his own father’s brutal murder, has been convicted. Her new lover stands accused as the manipulative mastermind of the murder-for-profit plot. If it weren’t so real, it could be a ripped-from-the-headlines TV movie of the week.

What makes that case relevant is the people involved in the plot. The estranged wife who pulled the trigger – five times- was a well established, well reviewed escort. The man who manipulated her, who brought her to the point where she willingly became a murderer, was… no, IS… a well established, highly trusted member-in-good-standing of that same hobbyist message board. He is to this day a highly trusted Level 4 (out of a possible 5) hobbyist. Sixty-five people on that site have given him their highest rating, and deemed him to be safe, trustworthy, responsible. A real fucking boy scout. Some of those ratings came after his arrest on various drug, weapons and murder charges. And what makes this all even worse is the continuing use of “trust” as currency. There is even now a thread on that board admonishing members to be careful who they assign ‘trust’ to. They say: you can’t be too careful, you could be vouching for a murderer. And yet they have, and continue to do so. A provider is vilified for vouching for a guy who turned out to be a rapist. But they vouch for a guy awaiting trial for his role in a murder. That guy they support and encourage, but a hooker who says something on the Internet that they disagree with they slander and vilify. A guy accused in a murder-for-profit plot they give money to bail out of jail. A hooker they don’t like they offer money to expose.

Trust is the basis of every relationship. And those of us who swim these pussy-filled waters are no different. As hobbyists, part of the allure of the message board is the sense of sharing and community, building friendships with like-minded people, letting them in on something we can’t talk to our families or co-workers about. And we trust them to keep those secrets safe because they have the same secret. I imagine (and not having a pussy in this race, it’s only conjecture on my part) that as a provider, part of the allure of the online communities is building friendships with others who are in the same position, someone who has walked a mile in your fuck-me shoes. And you know you can trust them, because they know, better than any trick, what it’s like to put yourself on the line like that. Which makes it all the worse when some hooker wannabe stabs you in the eye with a stiletto heel. The worst evil is the one we invite in.

And no, it’s not just crazy unstable hookers. It’s not female trouble. The guys are doing it to each other, too. Under the pretense of camaraderie, more and more hobbyist are looking for ways to screw the other guy. Jealousy rears its ugly head, even when the object of desire is a hooker. How dare she accept money to fuck that other guy? Doesn’t he know I pay to fuck her?

The backlash created by a poseur appropriating the persona of a sex worker has reached a peak of fury. And trust, again plays into it. People trusted her. People now feel that their trust has been betrayed. And now, someone is abusing the trust others placed in them by attempting to use it to terrorize those they feel responsible for the whole sordid affair. That some punter (and yes, I’m fairly certain it’s a guy) is willing to turn to borderline criminal acts to “expose” someone, and how he’s going about it, speaks more to his failings than anything else.

And that right there is one of the worst things we should take away from l’affaire d’jour. Trust is the basis of the hooker/john relationship. I’m trusting she’s not a cop or a rip-off or worse. She’s trusting he’s not gonna rip her off, arrest her, beat and rape her. That trust has been shattered. It’s been trampled by a faux ho, wannabe, lying impersonator. And it’s being further stomped by a small, petty, jealous person who blames others for his shortcomings. Someone who has more money than integrity.

Because if you can worm your way into the inner circles of this community only to use the information you glean from it to extract revenge for your someone having the audacity to point out that you’re a liar, then no one is safe.

This is a fun “hobby” for some. And yes, the essence of it is pleasure. I enjoy the hell out of this. But every one of those escorts I see is a real woman.

I welcome your comments.