Posts Tagged ‘hookers’

Good deeds.

I like a woman who can treat the globes right

A little bit about me.

It may or may not surprise some of you to know that I have a life beyond this hooker fucking persona. And it may (or may not) surprise you to find out that I’m in the legal profession. Sure, you pretty much can’t throw a stick around here without hitting a lawyer (and getting sued for reckless stick throwing).

Some background. I got my undergraduate degree at a well known top tier university in the southeast, then a Juris Doctor from a prestigious law school on the east coast. I went to work in the office of a state legislator then spent some time working as a criminal prosecutor in a large city on the coast. It was through some of my law school contacts and legislative contacts that I became involved early on in campaigning for Bill Clinton. Back then, a lot of people in the campaign, specially those who knew Bill and Hillary, joked that the wrong Clinton was running.

As a result and reward for my work on the campaign, when Bill Clinton was elected, I was swept along as part of the new ‘youth wave’ hitting Washington, D.C. Of course, “youth” was a relative term, as none of us were really kids. I worked briefly for Bernard Nussbaum in the  office of the White House Counsel, then transitioned over to the Justice Department. Working for the Clinton administration in the DOJ, I was a key part of some very high profile prosecutions.

By the end of Clinton’s first term, I’d had quite enough of Washington, and left the DOJ to come back to Los Angeles. Here, I joined a large firm, and this being L.A. a fair percentage of my clients were movie people. It wasn’t where I intended to end up back when I was an idealistic young law student out to change the world for the better, but I’ve settled into a nice little practice in entertainment law, mostly contracts and negotiations.

Of course, none of that is true*. And if you read just those first four paragraphs –and believed them– and took legal advice from me because you believed them, you would be an idiot. My legal advice isn’t going to keep you out of jail, my legal advice isn’t going to get you out of jail, my legal advice isn’t going to keep you safe in any way. Just because I can create a detailed fiction on the Internet doesn’t mean I can represent you in court. Because I am not a real lawyer**.

You wouldn’t — shouldn’t– take legal advice from Some Guy on the Internet claiming legal know-how without the credentials to back it up.  So why then would you take advice from someone claiming to be an escort, claiming to be a stripper, claiming to be a porn star or activist or sexologist without the credentials — and the credibility– to back up those claims?

We all know, it’s pretty well documented, that there are a lot of fakes out there. Even after all the revelations and recriminations, just a few days ago, once again someone with no verifiable credentials was offering advice on how to successfully increase your escorting business and how to safely hire an escort. Hey, why not? You’ll take legal advice from me, why not take escorting advice from a non-entity?

So, who can you trust?

Just as you’d do your homework when looking to hire an accountant, a doctor or a mechanic, you have to do your homework when looking for advice that’s going to keep you out of jail, keep you from being ripped off, keep you from being assaulted. There is a treasure trove of valuable, reliable information on the hooker/”hobbyist” interaction. There are quite a few sex workers out there who have selflessly given of themselves to make things better for others in the biz. They give of their bodies for their clients; they give of their time, effort and hearts to keep other sex workers safe.

First up, if you’re an escort, a real honest-to-goodness legitimate working escort and you need to know anything about how to operate or improve your business, you need look no further than Amanda Brooks and her Internet Escort’s Handbook. This is the resource on the business of escort work. Amanda Brooks has been out in front of the business side of escorting and offers serious, yet bawdy advice on how to run your sex-oriented small business successfully.

I can’t think of anyone who’s been more on the side of sex workers of all stripes, but specifically hookers than Jenny DeMilo. Jenny seems to go out of her way to make sure dirty girls are safe and treated with respect. Whether it’s offering insight into what it’s like to be a hooker or how to stay safe if you are one, Jenny is the go-to source. On her blog and on various message boards, Jenny offers information on almost any topic imaginable related to sex work. She’s often brash, sometimes vulgar, always informative. Jenny doesn’t suffer fools gladly, but it’s a tough business, not for the frail or easily offended. Jenny DeMilo takes the hits, frequently becoming the target of attacks, and she does it because she really believes in giving back to her community, looking out for her friends and that only armed with knowledge can one overcome a dangerous world. And she’s sexy as hell to boot.

Another powerful advocate for sex workers is the Chicago based Serpent Libertine and her Red Light District. The Red Light District/Chicago website reports on legal issues and sex worker rights advocacy. Armed with a video camera and an incisive sense of what’s right they are on the frontlines of the sex work industry. Serpent Libertine is an invaluable supporter of free speech and sex workers’ legal rights.

How many real live sex workers do you know who recently spoke at Brown University on sex work: culture laws & politics? The only one that comes to mind is Sequoia Redd. Sequoia gives of herself to better the lives of sex workers. In addition to sex worker advocacy, she writes about sexual energy, politics and hiking the Appalachian Trail. That last one isn’t some sort of Republican euphemism, she really hiked the Appalachian Trail.

For sex workers of a different sort — strippers– the inimitable Kat from Portland has your back.  Kat looks out for strippers and more. Like so many others, she realizes the interconnectedness of everyone involved in legal, quasi-legal and downright illegal sex work. Strip clubs may have bouncers, but outside the club all bets are off.

While others only pretend to be sex experts, educators or academics, Jessi Fischer at The Sexademic is the real deal. Anyone on the Internet can hide behind a sassy screen name and claim degrees and titles, but Jessi is out in the open, no obfuscation, no pretense. With a Masters in Sexuality Studies, The Sexademic is a real, by-gosh educator, not just someone trying to bolster false credentials.

There are more, much more, many more. What all of these people have in common is that they are real, they are in the field and they are looking out for you. They are every day taking the hard fought, hard won skills, knowledge and experience of the real world of sex work and laying it out on the line for you, the “hobbyist”, the escort, the newbie just dipping a toe in the dirty waters. Why do they do it? I’m sure if you asked any of them you’d get a variety of reasons. But the bottom line, I think is that they are people who think of others as they think of themselves.

As for me, no I’m not a lawyer**. And maybe I’m not really a Doctor, either. Maybe it’s just an honorary title. No, I’m just a guy who fucks hookers and writes about it on the Internet. Sure, I’ll give you advice on how to find ’em, what to do when you’ve found ’em and how not to get caught while you’re doing it. But if you do or don’t take my advice, no harm, no foul. I don’t know you, you don’t know me, you’re free to take my advice or not and you won’t hurt my feelings either way. Sure, if you don’t take my advice and your wife catches you balls deep in some rented pussy, you’ll earn a big-ass “I told you so” from me. I’ll call you a dumbass. But then again, if you weren’t a dumbass you wouldn’t have done some dumbass thing to get yourself caught. But that’s the extent of it. You’re on your own as far as I’m concerned. But if you’re an escort, stripper, or any other flavor of sex worker, you need to know who you can trust. You need to know because your freedom, your safety,your business and possibly your life may depend on it. Are you going to trust all of that to ‘Some Girl’ with a blog? If you want real information, real advice, real education, look at those links above.

They’re the real deal. Verifiable, reviewed, respected.

* Or is it?

**Or am I?

Shop till you pop.

I'll take one in each size

I’ve recently had the good fortune to find myself with a bit more discretionary cash. Thanks to the economic stimulus, business has been good. More customers, more cash. Thanks Obama!

So, what to do with a spare few hundred bucks? Like you need to ask.

This time around, I decided to venture away from my usual encounters. Find a new in well to dip my quill in, a new crankcase to dip my dipstick, a new scabbard for my sword. New pussy, I’m talking about trying to find new pussy. Sorry to be so vague.

But where to go, where to look? Well, let’s go shopping for pussy, shall we?

First stop: Eros.com. I have to say, overall, this is where I’m finding quality companionship. But, damn, they make it difficult for the consumer. I think that, in a nutshell, is the problem with this site. They don’t know who the consumer is. It’s a difficult site to slog through. Bad layout. Most websites, whether news pages, shopping sites or classified listings, the main body of the page is front and center. If there are ads, they’ll be on a sidebar alongside the main article. On Eros, it’s the other way around. Huge swaths of web page real estate are given to outside banner ads. When you open any page, the first thing you see, smack dab in the middle of the screen is huge banner ads… for other escort ad sites. WTF? In fact, what should be the primary focus, the escort ads, are all tiny thumbnails running in a sidebar along the left hand side of the page. For example, I’m looking for escorts in Los Angeles, I have to scroll through a menu of cities, which takes me to a block of text links. VIP escorts, All female escorts, Visiting escorts… and about a dozen and a half different categories. Fuck it, let’s just see what’s in All Escorts. Oh, look, huge banner ads that’ll take me to pay sites. That’s what I’m looking for. No wait, I’m looking for hookers, where are they? Those tiny thumbnails. And chances are, no matter what category you choose, VIP, Visiting, Redhead, Mature, Incall, GFE… you’ll see the same 5 or 6 ads listed first. I guess those are the agencies… errr, I mean escorts… that paid a premium for having their thumbnail listed at the top of every fucking sidebar on every fucking page. It all smells vaguely pimpy.

As for the categories, it doesn’t seem to make any difference what you’re looking for. It appears that escorts can self-categorize any damn way they want. So, I’ve found listings for girls in the “Full Figured” category who are 5’1″, 110 pounds and 32 bust. The first listing in the “Redhead” category is a blonde. Followed by 3 brunets. There are 18, 20, 23 year olds listed in the “Mature” category. The categories are meaningless. Just as bad, is that an escort can give herself any name she wants, which becomes the headline for her ad. So, instead of “Sally Escort”, you’ll get “Sally VIP XXX Escort 36DDD in Beverly Hills.” I guess if some girl decided to name herself “I Will Suck Your Dick For Money In Van Nuys” they’d list that, too. There doesn’t seem to be anyone actually looking at the ads they sell and checking for quality control. Also, the Search function doesn’t work. Oh, I mean it works, just that it doesn’t actually return results based on what you’re searching for. Search for “Amber”, you’ll get “Shania”. So, even if you go in looking for contact information on a specific provider, you may still just get whoever they’re pimping… errr… whoever paid more for priority placement.

Like I said, they don’t seem to know who their customers are. And let me be clear here, I’m not their customer. I’m the target audience their customers are trying to reach. Escorts are their customers. Escorts are the ones paying them for ad space, ads whose rates are presumably based on being able to deliver the target audience. But instead, they’re sending the target audience off-site to a pay-per-view porn site or adult dating scam site.

Then there’s That Mall. Hey, That Mall, 1990 called, they want their web site design back. Practically useless. There’s a few things on there that make me chuckle. On the sidebar menu, under escorts they list 3 categories. Female. Male. Asian. Wait, what…? What if you’re a female Asian? Which category would they put you in? And if they’re going to subdivide by race or ethnicity, why not African American or Latin? Or Greek. But I digress. Then there’s the claim that all ads are verified, that ALL advertisers are required to meet with them in person. There’s a few girls on there I can’t get to meet with me for cash, but they’re going to head down to the That Mall offices? Oh, and where is the That Mall office anyway? Their phone numbers are 323 area codes, so, they’re in Los Angeles. But they have escort ads for Chicago, Texas, Atlanta and Hawaii. Did all those Chicago girls (or Asians) really come down to the Los Angeles office to meet with them in person? The thing that really cracks me up about That Mall is their banner advertising. I’m not kidding. I wonder how this dental office, with their picture of a smiling mom and baby feels about their ad banner being right above hooker ads? I guess it would make more sense if they were oral surgeons.

I guess we can’t discuss the topic of searching hooker ads without touching on the Craigslist story. Since Craigslist decided that cutting & running was the better part of valor, much has been said about their censorship of adult services ads. Yes, prostitution will go on. Yes, it’s still possible to get hooker ads online. Yes, it was a cowardly move by Craigslist and a brazen attempt to legislate morality, pander to the anti-sex puritans and restrict free speech under the guise of ‘protecting the children.’ Interestingly, many people in the escort/“hobbyist” community came rushing to the defense of the departed Craigslist Adult sections. Many of those people had long abandoned Craigslist as the bargain basement of hooker ads. I’ve made disparaging comments about “Craigslist girls.” Yes, I know that many of today’s $1,000 hotties were yesterday’s $100 Craigslist girls. But the fact remains that Craigslist had become, for the most part, the entry level of hookers. And thus, the place where cheap bastards looking for $60 dollar quickies went trolling. Not much has changed since the demise of Craigslist hooker ads when it comes to finding an escort. The ads have relocated to other venues. What has changed, of course, is that a girl who was barely scraping by on cheap quickie blowjobs now has to fork over more cash for her ads. Where she may have been spending $10, $15, $20 now she’s spending $30, $50, $300. Soon, she’ll either have to raise her rates just to cover her ad expenses or suck a boatload more dick.

Long before the Craigslist shutdown, though, cheap bastards already had a place to go. Hell, this place even has a private ‘club’ specifically for Cheap Bastards. They like to pretend that it’s a ‘social networking’ site, that they just happen to have classified ads, and sure 9.5 out of 10 of those classified ads are for hookers. But really, they’re just a community. They’re just there to exchange recipes and play Farmville. Or Hookerville. The ads there are free. Sure, you can buy “points” to use for things like priority placement, but essentially free. And they eschew all of the obnoxious Craigslist-esque trappings, the wild punctuation, the random capitalization, the barely disguised sexual innuendo. Sure, you can buy “points” to use for things like adding glitter and sparkle to your ad, but that’s tOtaLLy DiFFrenT. This is where the guys who think that $100 is way to much to spend for pussy have open and unapologetic run of the place. Can you find quality companionship there? Of course. Are there pages and pages and pages of misogynist bullshit? Of course. It’s their raison d’etre. Fortunately, you can go directly to the classified section and skip the commentary, you don’t even have to sign up to read the ads. There is one curious, comical idiosyncrasy there. Many of the providers advertising there specifically, explicitly claim that they will only see site members with verifiable references from other member providers and only those above a certain ‘trust’ level. For their safety, of course. Or, you could just look up their ad on Backpage. One positive aspect of the Broke Bastards  Board is that since they don’t allow comments on ads anymore, you don’t have to put up with slogging through 50 comments by detractors when you look at an ad.

Which of course brings us to the place where not only do they allow comments by detractors on an escort’s ad, they often actively encourage it. The Erotic Review has long been the place to go for escort ads, reviews and “hobby” discussions. The site has been around for years, and they like to think of themselves as the gold standard for escort reviews. Even after the guy running the place got sent to jail for trying to have a hooker killed, TER keeps on going. The guys currently running things haven’t (yet), to my knowledge, tried to have any hookers killed. Stalked, harassed, run out of business, sure. But not, probably not, raped or killed. Advertising on the site is free, although TER is a membership site and they do charge somewhere in the neighborhood of $20 a month for membership in order to have full access to all the site’s features. So, you can place your ad for free, but if you want to be able to look up a prospective client, look up another escort to check references or exchange messages with someone to determine their credibility, you’ll have to pony up $20 a month (recurring). All this allows you the privilege to post your ad once a week. It also allows every asswipe with an anonymous screen name and a grudge to trash you in your own ad. Piss someone off? They will make sure you know it. I’ve seen escorts place ads only to have them devolve into pages-long rants by angry hobbyists. Wonder why you place an ad and get absolutely no response? Maybe it’s because the 12 year old girls… errr… the moderators… have re-posted your ad in the Men Only Board, the better to trash you in private. I’ve seen it happen. Or maybe you wonder why your latest client’s review hasn’t shown up. It could be because the local moderator has a bug up his double-wide ass about you and has decided not to approve new reviews. And there is no recourse. It’s a dictatorship, and not a very benign one at that. The knock against TER used to be that the guy in charge abused his position to terrorize escorts, extort sexual favors and divulge personal information about them. Not much has changed, except the new guys actually go to the parties they host.

The good news is that after an exhaustive search, I did finally find someone to spend my spare few hundred dollars on (thanks Obama!). A good time was had by all, the economy was stimulated and so was I. I’m glad to report that I do apparently still have a huge cock. Good to know, good to know. It took some doing, lots of homework, lots of searching, but in the end it paid off. Finding paid pussy is still possible, but it’s not exactly easy.

And maybe it shouldn’t be.

In other news… strippers

What's with the strippers? Where's the hookers?

What? What’s this? Isn’t this a blog about fucking hookers? Yeah, I know, it’s supposed to be all about hookers. Hell, it even says “Hooker” right up there in the title, don’t it? Stick with me a bit. I think there’s a lot of crossover.

The picture of the lovely ladies at the left of this column is from a news article published over at FOXNews.com. On it’s face, it’s a slightly amusing bit of human-interest. Y’know, the sort of thing Fox News does so well. What? Stop rolling your eyes at me!

Bikini Clad Strippers Take on Church in Ohio. Who doesn’t like a good turning-the-tables-on-the-establishment kinda story? The background to the story is fairly straightforward. A fire & brimstone fundamentalist preacher has been targeting the local strip club, staging protests and pickets by church members against the sin in their midst. The club owner says he’s met privately with the minister, seeking some sort of truce, to no avail. As a last resort, the strippers use the holy-rollers’ own tactics against them and stage their own protest in front of the church, carrying signs with scripture verses.

So other than dueling demonstrations, what makes this story interesting?

Strippers dressed in bikinis sunbathe in lawn chairs, their backs turned toward the gray clapboard church where men in ties and women in full-length skirts flock to Sunday morning services.

The strippers, fueled by Cheetos and nicotine, are protesting a fundamental Christian church whose Bible-brandishing congregants have picketed the club where they work. The dancers roll up with signs carrying messages adapted from Scripture, such as “Do unto others as you would have done unto you,” to counter church members who for four years have photographed license plates of patrons and asked them if their mothers and wives know their whereabouts.

fueled by Cheetos and nicotine…

In other words, fat. Just a bunch of fat bimbos who sit around drinking and smoking when they’re not being nasty whores who take off their clothes to tempt the otherwise good, God-fearing men of central Ohio. I know, I’m extrapolating, but I think it’s warranted. Why else would that particular turn of phrase be there? What does “fueled by Cheetos and nicotine” have to do with the story of the counter-protest? What does it add to the factual reporting? But it sure does paint a mental picture for the Fox News reader, doesn’t it? You can just picture those ugly fat strippers stuffing themselves with cheesy poofs and chain smoking. Which is in stark contrast to the description of the pious church goers, “men in ties and women in full-length skirts.” How virtuous.

But there’s more. As the ‘reporter’ so deftly points out to us, they’re old, too.

“…stage age 36 but really 42…”

And, of course, they lie about their age. Old, fat, chain-smoking liars. Someone who would lie, who would sell their morals for a few dollars, someone devoid of any socially redeeming qualities. But enough about Fox News…

I mentioned at the top that I thought there was some crossover from this story to the world of online escort message boards. When escorts on the boards are attacked by “hobbyists” (and they often are) it’s frequently, as in the case of these protesters, because they had the temerity to stand up for themselves, to defend themselves from those who hold themselves out to be morally superior. Whether it’s strippers in central Ohio, or hookers in L.A. these are sex workers. Sure, they’re of a different stripe, they work in related yet different arenas. But the constant remains, these are women who’s salable commodity is themselves. When your product, as it were, is you, every attack is a personal attack.
Go to any “hobbyist” message board, and you’ll likely see the same line of attack directed at some escort. She’s fat, she’s nasty, she’s got a big mouth. And the worst sin of all, she’s lying about her age.

The self righteous pastor of the church objecting to the local strip club is a classic hobbyist. He’s morally superior, he has the authority of his position on his side. Hell, his church isn’t even in the same neighborhood as the strip club, it’s miles away, yet he feels it’s his duty to give his unsolicited opinion about right & wrong. He’s been called by God Himself to destroy the livelihoods of these women, to conquer the sin of making a living. Personally of course, I wonder why God would task him with closing a ramshackle strip club instead of putting an end to hunger or war or disease. Instead he’s determined to eradicate the sin of… women being able to support themselves and feed their families.
But if the pastor is an archetypal “hobbyist”, the Fox “News” reporter almost certainly is an active participant. He knows the buttons to push. He knows exactly how to lash out to belittle and dehumanize these sex workers. He knows to go after their self esteem, their sense of self worth. He’s called a hooker a fat old whore on some message board somewhere.

It’s little wonder then, that message board warriors feel emboldened, feel that it’s acceptable to treat human beings as, well… less than. This is the message that’s being reinforced in the mainstream news media. It’s less surprising when one considers that the average message board “hobbyist” is a Fox News viewer. So when a ‘reporter’ uses cleverly crafted catchphrases, they can easily hear the dog whistle.

Hookers in the News

Posted: December 16, 2009 in hookers, prostituion, sex work
Tags: , , , ,

Who ordered the cake?

The Sting.

It must have seemed like a pretty straightforward gig.

A bachelor party. One last debauched send-off for the groom-to-be.

It turned out to be a prostitution sting. Arrested by Harris County (Texas) Sheriffs were 5 women and 3 men, charged with various prostitution related offenses. They invited people suspected of being involved in prostitution and urged them to bring young women to the party who would sell sexual favors. They also contacted women through mainstream Internet sites and invited them to the gathering to prostitute themselves.

I wonder how that went. “Hi, welcome to my bachelor party. Would you care to prostitute yourself?”

Kudos, Harris County Sheriff. Excellent use of what must be, in these recessionary times, a severely stretched municipal budget.

I usually have to pay extra for that

I feel safer already.

Oh, and if you were wondering what to expect next time you plan a bachelor party in Houston…                                                                                                                                 check out the local talent.