Posts Tagged ‘escort review’

Boring…

I’ve been busy lately. Work has been hectic. I’m active in my community. And I’ve been banging hookers. (Yeah, plural.)

The one thing I haven’t been doing much of is hanging out on the “hobbyist” message boards. And from the looks of things, no one else is either. The message boards are dying out.

It’s no secret, I guess, that I don’t particularly care for the self-styled “hobbyists”. You wanna fuck hookers? Go to it. You wanna turn it into a goddam hobby? Maybe you should re-think treating people like a hobby. But that’s just me. What I really dislike is the hour after hour, day after day, year after fucking year of the same self-aggrandizing, thinly veiled misogyny and pissing contests. Sometimes it seems like nothing ever changes on the boards. Over a year ago, I wrote a post about how the more things change, the more they stay the same. You can see the same topics being discussed over and over and over and over… you get the point. After a while though, it’s not just the same topics (trimmed or shaved?), the same discussions (what is GFE?) but worse, the same people. The same blowhards pontificating, shooting down n00bs, and generally being bloviating asshats who think they have all the answers when it comes to the proper way to fuck hookers. Of course, they themselves never actually fuck hookers, but they sure do know more about it than anyone else.

Truth of the matter is, the boards are becoming largely unnecessary. Once upon a time there was virtually no other way to find, research and contact escorts from the privacy of your mom’s basement home. Actually getting to chat –for free- online with real honest-to-gosh women who would willingly (for a fee) have actual non-cyber sex with you was a dream come true. That you could actually ‘earn’ some level of clout based on how many hookers you fucked (or how many guys were willing to backslap ya because of how many hookers you fucked) was the social vindication many of us never got in real life.

For a time, the escort message boards were the place to be. But it is not a sustainable model. Much like mainstream social networks like Friendster and MySpace have come and gone, I think the escort message board is seeing its better days in the rearview mirror. Escort advertising, networking and contact have moved into other arenas. Most escorts these days use a variety of social media to communicate with their client base. Whereas the mesage boards used to be the only way a potential client could interact with escorts, feel them out as it were, nowadays many escorts have their own blogs where they can craft their online personas and maintain control of their message without being at the mercy of some (often unscrupulous) board operator. They can impose their own rules of what they can say, what they can show and how they present themselves. There are multiple avenues available to escorts. Many are on Twitter. Most have their own websites where a potential client can find photos, rates and booking information.

For many “hobbyists” the lure of the message board was the easy availability of the escorts and the non-judgemental attitude of their fellow “hobbyists”. For escorts, it was like shooting fish in a barrel. But many of the guys started to like the validation they got from their fellow whoremongers. They became accustomed to being the big fish in a tiny, tiny Pond. Which led to an inflated sense of their position in the hooker/client dynamic.

When it comes to reviews, more and more escorts are eschewing the review process altogether. In an era of increased law enforcement scrutiny of hooker boards, it’s not always wise to have a written record of exactly which sex acts you’re willing to perform for money. A few “hobbyist” boards have tried to reinvent themselves (again) as ‘social networking’ sites and have moved their hooker reviews to ancillary sites. “Really, totally not us! That’s totally not our site that has the same name! We just have hooker ads, not reviews!” You’re not fooling anyone. Some sites have put their reviews behind a paywall. You can only access the reviews if youre willing to fork over $20 a month. Frankly, if you’re seeing so many different hookers every month that it’s cost effective to spend that much money reading reviews, maybe think about saving a few bucks for some salve for that dick chafing. And as I’ve said before, to a large extent reviews are less about the hooker than about giving the guys a forum to recount their sexual exploits to other guys who’ll believe them. Reviews are not the only way to determine if an escort is legitimate. They are often over-inflated, or just as often, under-rated. What one guy considers ‘the best blow job EVER’ may not be what works for your dick.

There’s a flip side to this also. It’s not only the same guys in the message boards day in, day out. I often see the same girls hour after hour, seemingly 24/7. If, whether hooker or “hobbyist”, you have time to be chatting online 24 hours a day, chances are you’re not out in the real world putting real dicks in real pussies.

In the past few months, I’ve been fortunate to have enough free time and spare cash (thanks Obama!) to have spent ‘quality time’ with several different escorts. One was a lady I’ve seen many, many times before. One was recommended by that lady. One was on an out of town business trip. The others were previously unknown to me. None of them were on escort message boards.

Time to evolve.

Deja vu.

Here we go again...

I’ve had this conversation before.

As I sit around with my other evil genius pals, planning out how to take over the “hobbyist” world, this scenario plays out over and over again. How to gain access. How to infiltrate. How to get in unnoticed. If, say, one was a reporter, a cop or just someone looking to manipulate the system, how do you get your foot in the door? Most of the escort message boards and online forums have layers of built in security. But as any Bond villain will tell tell you, it’s the simplest plans that work best. And, as any Bond villain also knows, the girl is always the key.

For whatever nefarious purposes, you’re trying to create a Trojan Horse persona to grant you access to the inner circles of the hobbyist/escort community. Well, any guy can call himself a hobbyist, but if you don’t have any well established escorts vouching for you, you’re left out in the cold. The answer then, is obvious. You need a girl. You become a girl.

From the early days of the cyber sex chat rooms, perverts everywhere have known this. The girl is the key. You can pretend to be a brain surgeon astronaut spy all day long, but no one’s gonna bite. But as soon as a girl enters the room, she’s swarmed. You didn’t really think all those hot horny lonely girls online were really hot horny lonely girls, did you?

For the purposes of manipulating the escort forums, how does one ‘become a girl’? First step, set up a website. Make sure to give yourself a sexy name. Pictures will help. You can find those pretty much anywhere. If you’re willing to steal somebody else’s pics, that is. But, hey, you’ve come this far, what do you care about stealing some ho’s content? You join the forums under your sexy new name. Participate a bit, drive traffic to your new website/blog. Make sure to talk — a lot– about how hot horny lonely sexy slutty you are. The sluttier the better. You’ll get lots of interest from the “hobbyists.” That is, after all what they’re there for. Sooner or later, they’ll be clamoring to see you. They can’t, of course, unless y’all are dying to try out some sort of “Crying Game” scenario. But that’s not a problem, because you have no intention of actually seeing anyone.  You’re exclusive. You’re all booked up. You’re much too hot and sexy to see just anyone.  And you certainly aren’t going to lower your standards for them.

The forums are mostly geared to screen out the guys. There are many reasons for the lopsided prejudice. Cops are men, rapists are men, pimps are men. And that last one actually probably has more to do with the increased vigilance of men. The ever-on-alert board mods are looking, not for the potential danger, but for the fake review. Because that’s what matters to them. Remember that. To be fair, a lot of escorts have been known to attempt to create fake “hobbyists” in order to write themselves a glowing review. What no one seems to be on the lookout for, however, is the fake “escort” vouching for… well, “herself.”

Everyone gets splattered

The shit finally hits the fan.

We’ve been going ’round and ’round about this for a while now, haven’t we? For the better part of a year, escorts, strippers, cam girls, models, bloggers, and journalists have been saying “something’s wrong.”
By then, though, the masquerade had become so real to some that every alert raised, every warning shouted, every veil lifted was met with cries of: “you’re just jealous.”
Yeah, jealousy. That’s why wave after wave after wave of real, verifiable sex workers and their advocates were saying “something’s wrong.”
What’s just as telling as who did raise a red flag is who didn’t.
There’s the usual assortment of sycophants, those who invested so much in believing the lie that they couldn’t bear to let go of their own fantasies. There are those who saw the evidence of deception and basically shrugged their shoulders and said “so what?” Then there are those who knew, who were aware that people were being lied to, that someone was manipulating the system, that people were being put in danger… and did nothing. Worse than doing nothing, some of them reveled, delighted in the possibility that harm may befall someone, even if only as collateral damage from the scandal. But that’s to be expected from the sort of community culture that treats women as door prizes.
Make no mistake, people knew. The one thing every villain needs is accomplices, co-conspirators.
But as an evil genius, you’re smart enough to not let your fake girl make the only unforgivable mistake: writing a fake review.
The lip service, the party line, the public policy is that the message/review/social networking forums exist to make everyone safe. The reality is that the only important thing is the valid review. Real women being put at risk barely raises a blip on their radar. Fake reviews on the other hand, that’s a hanging offense, on par only with being an uppity, outspoken female.

I’ve been asked a lot in the last few days about what I knew and when I knew it. Having been one of those who wrote, repeatedly, about the dangers presented by impostors, and having had some access to ‘insider’ sources. I know that there were people in a position to know that a certain online persona was a fake, a faux, a fabrication. But they were more interested in maintaing the fraudulent female than protecting the real ones. Because the presence of the hot horny slutty girl, willing to take on all comers, no matter how fallacious, was more beneficial to to their bottom line than exposing the con. Because if the highest profile, most prolific “whore” in their stable is exposed as a figment of some self-styled eroticist’s fevered imagination, then every other review becomes suspect. If you can’t believe that the girl everyone is vouching for is real, then how can you believe that the girl with only one or two or three reviews is real. Of course, the fake girl has no reviews at all; she can’t, she’s not really out there sucking stranger’s dicks for money. And if she only has one review from one guy –who’s only reviewed ‘her’– then the fantasy falls apart.
Over the course of the past year or so, I’ve written about this one particular deception. I’ve also written about others. As I look at the online escort landscape, I see more and more fakes. In light of the recent revelations, when you see an ‘escort’ with no reviews, no pictures, no website, yet pages and pages and pages of salacious stories of their exceedingly slutty exploits… that no one can verify… maybe everything is not as we are expected to believe. Throw in the overt, obvious, almost desperate attempts to cash in with book, TV or movie deals, then all signs point to “faux.”

No, I don’t know “PatBo”. But I do know that he’s not alone.

Shop till you pop.

I'll take one in each size

I’ve recently had the good fortune to find myself with a bit more discretionary cash. Thanks to the economic stimulus, business has been good. More customers, more cash. Thanks Obama!

So, what to do with a spare few hundred bucks? Like you need to ask.

This time around, I decided to venture away from my usual encounters. Find a new in well to dip my quill in, a new crankcase to dip my dipstick, a new scabbard for my sword. New pussy, I’m talking about trying to find new pussy. Sorry to be so vague.

But where to go, where to look? Well, let’s go shopping for pussy, shall we?

First stop: Eros.com. I have to say, overall, this is where I’m finding quality companionship. But, damn, they make it difficult for the consumer. I think that, in a nutshell, is the problem with this site. They don’t know who the consumer is. It’s a difficult site to slog through. Bad layout. Most websites, whether news pages, shopping sites or classified listings, the main body of the page is front and center. If there are ads, they’ll be on a sidebar alongside the main article. On Eros, it’s the other way around. Huge swaths of web page real estate are given to outside banner ads. When you open any page, the first thing you see, smack dab in the middle of the screen is huge banner ads… for other escort ad sites. WTF? In fact, what should be the primary focus, the escort ads, are all tiny thumbnails running in a sidebar along the left hand side of the page. For example, I’m looking for escorts in Los Angeles, I have to scroll through a menu of cities, which takes me to a block of text links. VIP escorts, All female escorts, Visiting escorts… and about a dozen and a half different categories. Fuck it, let’s just see what’s in All Escorts. Oh, look, huge banner ads that’ll take me to pay sites. That’s what I’m looking for. No wait, I’m looking for hookers, where are they? Those tiny thumbnails. And chances are, no matter what category you choose, VIP, Visiting, Redhead, Mature, Incall, GFE… you’ll see the same 5 or 6 ads listed first. I guess those are the agencies… errr, I mean escorts… that paid a premium for having their thumbnail listed at the top of every fucking sidebar on every fucking page. It all smells vaguely pimpy.

As for the categories, it doesn’t seem to make any difference what you’re looking for. It appears that escorts can self-categorize any damn way they want. So, I’ve found listings for girls in the “Full Figured” category who are 5’1″, 110 pounds and 32 bust. The first listing in the “Redhead” category is a blonde. Followed by 3 brunets. There are 18, 20, 23 year olds listed in the “Mature” category. The categories are meaningless. Just as bad, is that an escort can give herself any name she wants, which becomes the headline for her ad. So, instead of “Sally Escort”, you’ll get “Sally VIP XXX Escort 36DDD in Beverly Hills.” I guess if some girl decided to name herself “I Will Suck Your Dick For Money In Van Nuys” they’d list that, too. There doesn’t seem to be anyone actually looking at the ads they sell and checking for quality control. Also, the Search function doesn’t work. Oh, I mean it works, just that it doesn’t actually return results based on what you’re searching for. Search for “Amber”, you’ll get “Shania”. So, even if you go in looking for contact information on a specific provider, you may still just get whoever they’re pimping… errr… whoever paid more for priority placement.

Like I said, they don’t seem to know who their customers are. And let me be clear here, I’m not their customer. I’m the target audience their customers are trying to reach. Escorts are their customers. Escorts are the ones paying them for ad space, ads whose rates are presumably based on being able to deliver the target audience. But instead, they’re sending the target audience off-site to a pay-per-view porn site or adult dating scam site.

Then there’s That Mall. Hey, That Mall, 1990 called, they want their web site design back. Practically useless. There’s a few things on there that make me chuckle. On the sidebar menu, under escorts they list 3 categories. Female. Male. Asian. Wait, what…? What if you’re a female Asian? Which category would they put you in? And if they’re going to subdivide by race or ethnicity, why not African American or Latin? Or Greek. But I digress. Then there’s the claim that all ads are verified, that ALL advertisers are required to meet with them in person. There’s a few girls on there I can’t get to meet with me for cash, but they’re going to head down to the That Mall offices? Oh, and where is the That Mall office anyway? Their phone numbers are 323 area codes, so, they’re in Los Angeles. But they have escort ads for Chicago, Texas, Atlanta and Hawaii. Did all those Chicago girls (or Asians) really come down to the Los Angeles office to meet with them in person? The thing that really cracks me up about That Mall is their banner advertising. I’m not kidding. I wonder how this dental office, with their picture of a smiling mom and baby feels about their ad banner being right above hooker ads? I guess it would make more sense if they were oral surgeons.

I guess we can’t discuss the topic of searching hooker ads without touching on the Craigslist story. Since Craigslist decided that cutting & running was the better part of valor, much has been said about their censorship of adult services ads. Yes, prostitution will go on. Yes, it’s still possible to get hooker ads online. Yes, it was a cowardly move by Craigslist and a brazen attempt to legislate morality, pander to the anti-sex puritans and restrict free speech under the guise of ‘protecting the children.’ Interestingly, many people in the escort/“hobbyist” community came rushing to the defense of the departed Craigslist Adult sections. Many of those people had long abandoned Craigslist as the bargain basement of hooker ads. I’ve made disparaging comments about “Craigslist girls.” Yes, I know that many of today’s $1,000 hotties were yesterday’s $100 Craigslist girls. But the fact remains that Craigslist had become, for the most part, the entry level of hookers. And thus, the place where cheap bastards looking for $60 dollar quickies went trolling. Not much has changed since the demise of Craigslist hooker ads when it comes to finding an escort. The ads have relocated to other venues. What has changed, of course, is that a girl who was barely scraping by on cheap quickie blowjobs now has to fork over more cash for her ads. Where she may have been spending $10, $15, $20 now she’s spending $30, $50, $300. Soon, she’ll either have to raise her rates just to cover her ad expenses or suck a boatload more dick.

Long before the Craigslist shutdown, though, cheap bastards already had a place to go. Hell, this place even has a private ‘club’ specifically for Cheap Bastards. They like to pretend that it’s a ‘social networking’ site, that they just happen to have classified ads, and sure 9.5 out of 10 of those classified ads are for hookers. But really, they’re just a community. They’re just there to exchange recipes and play Farmville. Or Hookerville. The ads there are free. Sure, you can buy “points” to use for things like priority placement, but essentially free. And they eschew all of the obnoxious Craigslist-esque trappings, the wild punctuation, the random capitalization, the barely disguised sexual innuendo. Sure, you can buy “points” to use for things like adding glitter and sparkle to your ad, but that’s tOtaLLy DiFFrenT. This is where the guys who think that $100 is way to much to spend for pussy have open and unapologetic run of the place. Can you find quality companionship there? Of course. Are there pages and pages and pages of misogynist bullshit? Of course. It’s their raison d’etre. Fortunately, you can go directly to the classified section and skip the commentary, you don’t even have to sign up to read the ads. There is one curious, comical idiosyncrasy there. Many of the providers advertising there specifically, explicitly claim that they will only see site members with verifiable references from other member providers and only those above a certain ‘trust’ level. For their safety, of course. Or, you could just look up their ad on Backpage. One positive aspect of the Broke Bastards  Board is that since they don’t allow comments on ads anymore, you don’t have to put up with slogging through 50 comments by detractors when you look at an ad.

Which of course brings us to the place where not only do they allow comments by detractors on an escort’s ad, they often actively encourage it. The Erotic Review has long been the place to go for escort ads, reviews and “hobby” discussions. The site has been around for years, and they like to think of themselves as the gold standard for escort reviews. Even after the guy running the place got sent to jail for trying to have a hooker killed, TER keeps on going. The guys currently running things haven’t (yet), to my knowledge, tried to have any hookers killed. Stalked, harassed, run out of business, sure. But not, probably not, raped or killed. Advertising on the site is free, although TER is a membership site and they do charge somewhere in the neighborhood of $20 a month for membership in order to have full access to all the site’s features. So, you can place your ad for free, but if you want to be able to look up a prospective client, look up another escort to check references or exchange messages with someone to determine their credibility, you’ll have to pony up $20 a month (recurring). All this allows you the privilege to post your ad once a week. It also allows every asswipe with an anonymous screen name and a grudge to trash you in your own ad. Piss someone off? They will make sure you know it. I’ve seen escorts place ads only to have them devolve into pages-long rants by angry hobbyists. Wonder why you place an ad and get absolutely no response? Maybe it’s because the 12 year old girls… errr… the moderators… have re-posted your ad in the Men Only Board, the better to trash you in private. I’ve seen it happen. Or maybe you wonder why your latest client’s review hasn’t shown up. It could be because the local moderator has a bug up his double-wide ass about you and has decided not to approve new reviews. And there is no recourse. It’s a dictatorship, and not a very benign one at that. The knock against TER used to be that the guy in charge abused his position to terrorize escorts, extort sexual favors and divulge personal information about them. Not much has changed, except the new guys actually go to the parties they host.

The good news is that after an exhaustive search, I did finally find someone to spend my spare few hundred dollars on (thanks Obama!). A good time was had by all, the economy was stimulated and so was I. I’m glad to report that I do apparently still have a huge cock. Good to know, good to know. It took some doing, lots of homework, lots of searching, but in the end it paid off. Finding paid pussy is still possible, but it’s not exactly easy.

And maybe it shouldn’t be.

In other news… strippers

What's with the strippers? Where's the hookers?

What? What’s this? Isn’t this a blog about fucking hookers? Yeah, I know, it’s supposed to be all about hookers. Hell, it even says “Hooker” right up there in the title, don’t it? Stick with me a bit. I think there’s a lot of crossover.

The picture of the lovely ladies at the left of this column is from a news article published over at FOXNews.com. On it’s face, it’s a slightly amusing bit of human-interest. Y’know, the sort of thing Fox News does so well. What? Stop rolling your eyes at me!

Bikini Clad Strippers Take on Church in Ohio. Who doesn’t like a good turning-the-tables-on-the-establishment kinda story? The background to the story is fairly straightforward. A fire & brimstone fundamentalist preacher has been targeting the local strip club, staging protests and pickets by church members against the sin in their midst. The club owner says he’s met privately with the minister, seeking some sort of truce, to no avail. As a last resort, the strippers use the holy-rollers’ own tactics against them and stage their own protest in front of the church, carrying signs with scripture verses.

So other than dueling demonstrations, what makes this story interesting?

Strippers dressed in bikinis sunbathe in lawn chairs, their backs turned toward the gray clapboard church where men in ties and women in full-length skirts flock to Sunday morning services.

The strippers, fueled by Cheetos and nicotine, are protesting a fundamental Christian church whose Bible-brandishing congregants have picketed the club where they work. The dancers roll up with signs carrying messages adapted from Scripture, such as “Do unto others as you would have done unto you,” to counter church members who for four years have photographed license plates of patrons and asked them if their mothers and wives know their whereabouts.

fueled by Cheetos and nicotine…

In other words, fat. Just a bunch of fat bimbos who sit around drinking and smoking when they’re not being nasty whores who take off their clothes to tempt the otherwise good, God-fearing men of central Ohio. I know, I’m extrapolating, but I think it’s warranted. Why else would that particular turn of phrase be there? What does “fueled by Cheetos and nicotine” have to do with the story of the counter-protest? What does it add to the factual reporting? But it sure does paint a mental picture for the Fox News reader, doesn’t it? You can just picture those ugly fat strippers stuffing themselves with cheesy poofs and chain smoking. Which is in stark contrast to the description of the pious church goers, “men in ties and women in full-length skirts.” How virtuous.

But there’s more. As the ‘reporter’ so deftly points out to us, they’re old, too.

“…stage age 36 but really 42…”

And, of course, they lie about their age. Old, fat, chain-smoking liars. Someone who would lie, who would sell their morals for a few dollars, someone devoid of any socially redeeming qualities. But enough about Fox News…

I mentioned at the top that I thought there was some crossover from this story to the world of online escort message boards. When escorts on the boards are attacked by “hobbyists” (and they often are) it’s frequently, as in the case of these protesters, because they had the temerity to stand up for themselves, to defend themselves from those who hold themselves out to be morally superior. Whether it’s strippers in central Ohio, or hookers in L.A. these are sex workers. Sure, they’re of a different stripe, they work in related yet different arenas. But the constant remains, these are women who’s salable commodity is themselves. When your product, as it were, is you, every attack is a personal attack.
Go to any “hobbyist” message board, and you’ll likely see the same line of attack directed at some escort. She’s fat, she’s nasty, she’s got a big mouth. And the worst sin of all, she’s lying about her age.

The self righteous pastor of the church objecting to the local strip club is a classic hobbyist. He’s morally superior, he has the authority of his position on his side. Hell, his church isn’t even in the same neighborhood as the strip club, it’s miles away, yet he feels it’s his duty to give his unsolicited opinion about right & wrong. He’s been called by God Himself to destroy the livelihoods of these women, to conquer the sin of making a living. Personally of course, I wonder why God would task him with closing a ramshackle strip club instead of putting an end to hunger or war or disease. Instead he’s determined to eradicate the sin of… women being able to support themselves and feed their families.
But if the pastor is an archetypal “hobbyist”, the Fox “News” reporter almost certainly is an active participant. He knows the buttons to push. He knows exactly how to lash out to belittle and dehumanize these sex workers. He knows to go after their self esteem, their sense of self worth. He’s called a hooker a fat old whore on some message board somewhere.

It’s little wonder then, that message board warriors feel emboldened, feel that it’s acceptable to treat human beings as, well… less than. This is the message that’s being reinforced in the mainstream news media. It’s less surprising when one considers that the average message board “hobbyist” is a Fox News viewer. So when a ‘reporter’ uses cleverly crafted catchphrases, they can easily hear the dog whistle.

If they could see me now.

Clueless

Just last week, unannounced, right out of nowhere, my ‘trust’ level went up a notch on one of the local “hobbyist” message boards. You know the one I mean. The one that pretends its really just a social networking site, not a meet up site for hookers & johns. The one that thinks they’ve got the most trustworthy whoremongers in town, when in fact, they’re just the cheapest. The one where (by conservative estimates) somewhere around 30% of the “hobbyists” are undercover cops.

I say it was unannounced, unexpected, because I haven’t done anything recently to warrant a change in level, much less an upward tick. I haven’t done any of the hobby-positive things on which they claim to base their rankings. I haven’t written any new reviews there. I haven’t ‘exchanged trust’ with anyone. I haven’t been a misogynist dillhole. Oh wait, that last one is just an unwritten rule.

I couldn’t help but chuckle inwardly, thinking if they only knew that the guy they just moved up a level is the guy writing this site, maybe they wouldn’t have been so free with their ‘trust.’ Hell, maybe they dont know about my little blog here. Nah, as obsessively as they check their stats, they’ve seen the incoming clicks from here. They’ve read it. They’ve even commented here. Yeah, i can see where my hits are coming from, too.
But then I remembered the news from last week. The confession, the guilty plea, the upcoming sentencing. And I realized that Some Guy writing a blog that’s often critical of their standards, practices and predilections pales in comparison to the guy doing time.
And they still trust him. Plenty.

Afternoon delight

Rawrrrrr...!

I met her, as these things so often happen, in an online forum. One of those I now regularly denigrate as dens of stupidity, misogyny and stupidity.

She was one of the first who caught my attention shortly after I joined my local “He-Man Hooker Haters Club” message board. I hadn’t set out specifically looking for her, or indeed someone much like her. I now think that’s largely because I didn’t know someone like her existed. And if she did exist, it never occurred to me that I’d find her on a hooker forum. I was looking for the typical. The usual. The no entanglement, no conversation, no expectations kinda girl.
But, I found her instead.
She was one of the first to welcome me to the board and take an interest in what I had to say. To this day, I don’t really know what it was about me that drew her to me. I have no doubts at all about what drew me in to her.
She was (and still is) hot, shapely, nasty and classy. Those long legs, that long hair, those massive magical tits. She had curves where women are supposed to have curves. She had brains where most men lack. And really, who doesn’t like a redhead?
We spent hours, days, weeks, months chatting online. We talked about art, history, literature, politics, music. And sex. We bonded over our mutual interests. I try to play things close to the vest. I try not to reveal too much of my real persona online. As I’ve said before, I think that way lies ruination. But surely, I can’t be the only whoremonger with an interest in obscure German punk rock from the 70’s. I’m not the only john who likes Warhol & Kandinsky, William Burroughs & Edgar Burroughs, Ogilvy & Mather.

But, she had stringent screening requirements. She is, after all, a professional. Part of her requirements for accepting new clients was having references from two other providers. At the time, though I’d done a fair bit of whore-fucking, it was girls whose names I barely knew, much less knew how to get in touch with again to ask for a reference.
So I set out to meet the requirements. I searched the boards for escorts with less stringent requirements. I found that even among the members of the small ‘community’ not everyone was willing to give a referral. Some providers preferred to keep their client list to themselves. So, I fucked a bunch of hookers. Oh well.
I fucked all different shapes and sizes, ages and ethnicities, GFE’s and quickies. Always with an eye on the goal, the right references that would get me in to see the creme de la creme.
We missed connections a few times. Once, she advertised an incall special in my neck of the woods, but by the time I responded, she had already booked up. If my schedule opened up, hers filled out, if she was available, I couldn’t get away from work or family.
And so it went, until she finally said “enough!”
She had arranged for a week of incalls at a ritzy downtown hotel. She insisted I come see her.
“I’m not sure I can get away, it’s the holidays, I have family coming in from out of town…”
She insisted.
“I don’t know if I can get away from work…”
She persisted.
“I don’t…” “DO IT!”
I relented.

So there I was, the day before Thanksgiving, when I should’ve been on my way to the airport to pick up arriving family, instead I was knocking on the door of a very upscale hotel suite.

She took my breath away, she was everything I’d imagined. And more. Much, much more. Even though we’d chatted online for months, even though I had seen dozens of pictures of her; racy pictures, naughty pictures, pictures of her boobs. I had never seen her face until she opened that door.

Really?

What's she trying to hide? How can I tell if I want to fuck her?

Let me just say, as an aside, that there are many escorts who choose not to show their faces in their online photos. It’s often a point of serious contention among “hobbyists.” Some guys refuse to make an appointment with a girl unless they’ve seen a picture of her face. I’ve never been in that camp. They seem to think that the only reason a girl would obscure her face is if she’s lying about something, most likely because she’s ugly.
“What’s she trying to hide?”
Really? Really??
How about she may be trying to hide her job as a hooker from her friends, her family, her clergy, her boss? Maybe she’s trying to hide her illegal activities from a mortgage loan officer. Or a police vice officer. Ya think?
The overwhelming attitude is, she must be ugly if she needs to hide her face. I have never, not once, not ever found that to be the case.
But maybe I just have different standards, or, y’know… standards. I think if you’ve done your homework, you’ve looked at her pictures, her tits her ass her legs… whatever your particular fascination may be; you’ve checked out her reviews and know what her level of service is, what other clients have to say about her, what other escorts have to say about her, you’ve spent hour after hour chatting her up online, in forums, private messages and emails… then you know what you’re getting into. I can’t imagine a situation like that where the girl would turn out to be so physically, emotionally, spiritually beautiful to you and yet you’d turn her her away because her face wasn’t up to your exacting standards. But then again, I like women. I don’t tend to think of them as ugly.

Anyway…

… where was I?

Oh yes. Knocking on that door. She, of course, was beautiful. I had expected no less, could not have hoped for more. With that first hug, first kiss at the door, we were old friends, new lovers. We bounced off every horizontal surface of that hotel room, and a few vertical ones. We laughed, we talked, we fucked. And fucked. And fucked. A one hour appointment stretched into two, and the second hour was giving way to the third when I had to reluctantly disentangle myself and return to my real world life. Saying goodbye at the door, she tried everything she could to get me to stay.

I’ve seen her often, time and time again, repeatedly since then. I’ve spent hours fucking her in hotels all over the city. I’ve left her ass print on windows overlooking all of downtown.

These are the thoughts that flooded back to me in an instant of time the other day, as we again spent an afternoon in bed, our limbs entwined in that now familiar, yet still exciting tangle. She has her personal life, her home, her family. And I have mine. Yet, there we were, another sweaty afternoon, another hour stretching into two.

Love? Who said anything about love? Not me.

I’m much too smart to fall in love with a hooker. Aren’t I?

Hello, my name is Hooker Addict…

Really? You made her cum doing her doggy-style? GFE?

…and I’m, well, a hooker addict.
Well, no, not really an addict. I can quit fucking hookers anytime I want. I just do it to relieve stress. I’m just a social hooker fucker. Sure, I mostly do it in private, sure I hide it from my friends and family, sure I can never stick to ‘just one more strange pussy.’ But that doesn’t mean I have a problem.

Look, lots of guys get caught up into the whole “hobbyist” thang. Then they find themselves seeking more and more satisfaction. One hooker is never enough. Is it an addiction? I dunno, I’m just  a guy who likes to fuck hookers.

There are certainly a lot of elements of the whole “hobbyist” milieu that lend themselves to the addictive personality. I can see where it would be easy to fall into that trap. Easily accessible pussy, even if it’s paid-for pussy, has an undeniable appeal. Add to that the virtual affirmations you get from your fellow whoremongers, and it’s a slippery slope to a downward spiral. Or something.

Not too long ago, I wrote about the pack mentality prevalent among the “hobbyist” message boards. And I should know, I’m one of them. I wrapped up that commentary with a suggestion that some of my fellow whore fucking addicts may want to re-visit Step 9, a reference, of course, to the classic 12-Step programs. Meh. I write a lot of crap.

Special Delivery

Fan mail

I love getting comments from my readers, it lets me know what all y’all out there are thinking. You don’t always  agree with me, and that’s fine. You’re wrong, but that’s OK. Most comments I approve, some are clearly spam, and some are direct attacks that just go right into the trash. Generally, I welcome all comments from my readers. And even if I disagree, I’m usually amused, enlightened or entertained. Hell, I have one crazy-ass Bitch who hits my blog on a fairly regular basis to make wild hysterical comments. I’ve approved all of those. Then… then, there’s shit like this:

I opened up the big HookerAddict mailbag one day to find this waiting for me from some disgruntled fan calling himself  “Ball Smack” from Kansas, writing from what has every appearance of being a bogus e-mail address. My new correspondent Ballie takes personal exception to my attempts to denigrate the wonderful work being done by AA. Smackeroo writes:

“Wow. I shouldn’t reply to this thread, but I have to. I guess. Stop hating on everybody and go eat a vag or suck a dick or whatever your preference may be. No one cares. Your Bill Dubya campaign isn’t fooling anyone and twits like you will continue to ruin what he was striving for.

Please stop trying to ruin his mission because you feel let down.”

I.. well.. I don’t…

Step it up

Where to start, where to start.

“I shouldn’t reply to this thread. But I have to…” Isn’t that a bit like “I shouldn’t chug this Wild Turkey. But I guess I have to.”? You don’t have to. Free will and all that.

“Stop hating on everybody and go eat a vag or suck a dick…” May I direct you to Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves and Step 7: Humbly asked god to remove our shortcomings

I am not now, nor have I ever been a member or participant in any 12-Step recovery program. And I don’t feel let down. For the record, I don’t believe in them. I think they’re bullshit. I’m sure someone in the vastness of the Internets will pipe in with stories of how being a Friend of Bill W saved their lives, and I’m certain there are abundant success stories out there.  I know a lot of “hobbyists” who are, as well as friends and co-workers who are “Friends of Bill.” I still think it’s bullshit. Because I think that the core of the program is to exchange one addiction for another. You give up your addictions to booze, dope, gambling or pussy and replace them with addictions to god, meetings, validation and bad coffee.

If you’re a so-called “hobbyist” in so-called recovery, fucking act like you believe in your platitudes. Instead of blaming those dirty whores for your failings, think about humbly asking your god to remove your shortcomings. Instead of lashing out at hookers (or bloggers) maybe it’s time to once again make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourselves. And, having slipped from the path and hidden behind your cloak of Internet anonymity to bash, berate, degrade and vilify those hookers whom you’ve picked as targets for your vitriol, may I once again suggest you revisit Step 9.

P.S. I’ve approved “Ball Smack’s” comment.