Archive for the ‘whore’ Category

Don’t let the bedbugs bite.

Next

Pro Tip: If you wouldn’t see a hooker working out of a cheap sleazy hotel like this, why are you staying here? It’s good enough for you to stay in, but not good enough for you to fuck in?

Even worse, how are you gonna call a hooker to a room like this? How are you gonna get a $600 an hour escort to come out to a $40 a night flop?

 

Hello, my name is Hooker Addict…

Really? You made her cum doing her doggy-style? GFE?

…and I’m, well, a hooker addict.
Well, no, not really an addict. I can quit fucking hookers anytime I want. I just do it to relieve stress. I’m just a social hooker fucker. Sure, I mostly do it in private, sure I hide it from my friends and family, sure I can never stick to ‘just one more strange pussy.’ But that doesn’t mean I have a problem.

Look, lots of guys get caught up into the whole “hobbyist” thang. Then they find themselves seeking more and more satisfaction. One hooker is never enough. Is it an addiction? I dunno, I’m just  a guy who likes to fuck hookers.

There are certainly a lot of elements of the whole “hobbyist” milieu that lend themselves to the addictive personality. I can see where it would be easy to fall into that trap. Easily accessible pussy, even if it’s paid-for pussy, has an undeniable appeal. Add to that the virtual affirmations you get from your fellow whoremongers, and it’s a slippery slope to a downward spiral. Or something.

Not too long ago, I wrote about the pack mentality prevalent among the “hobbyist” message boards. And I should know, I’m one of them. I wrapped up that commentary with a suggestion that some of my fellow whore fucking addicts may want to re-visit Step 9, a reference, of course, to the classic 12-Step programs. Meh. I write a lot of crap.

Special Delivery

Fan mail

I love getting comments from my readers, it lets me know what all y’all out there are thinking. You don’t always  agree with me, and that’s fine. You’re wrong, but that’s OK. Most comments I approve, some are clearly spam, and some are direct attacks that just go right into the trash. Generally, I welcome all comments from my readers. And even if I disagree, I’m usually amused, enlightened or entertained. Hell, I have one crazy-ass Bitch who hits my blog on a fairly regular basis to make wild hysterical comments. I’ve approved all of those. Then… then, there’s shit like this:

I opened up the big HookerAddict mailbag one day to find this waiting for me from some disgruntled fan calling himself  “Ball Smack” from Kansas, writing from what has every appearance of being a bogus e-mail address. My new correspondent Ballie takes personal exception to my attempts to denigrate the wonderful work being done by AA. Smackeroo writes:

“Wow. I shouldn’t reply to this thread, but I have to. I guess. Stop hating on everybody and go eat a vag or suck a dick or whatever your preference may be. No one cares. Your Bill Dubya campaign isn’t fooling anyone and twits like you will continue to ruin what he was striving for.

Please stop trying to ruin his mission because you feel let down.”

I.. well.. I don’t…

Step it up

Where to start, where to start.

“I shouldn’t reply to this thread. But I have to…” Isn’t that a bit like “I shouldn’t chug this Wild Turkey. But I guess I have to.”? You don’t have to. Free will and all that.

“Stop hating on everybody and go eat a vag or suck a dick…” May I direct you to Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves and Step 7: Humbly asked god to remove our shortcomings

I am not now, nor have I ever been a member or participant in any 12-Step recovery program. And I don’t feel let down. For the record, I don’t believe in them. I think they’re bullshit. I’m sure someone in the vastness of the Internets will pipe in with stories of how being a Friend of Bill W saved their lives, and I’m certain there are abundant success stories out there.  I know a lot of “hobbyists” who are, as well as friends and co-workers who are “Friends of Bill.” I still think it’s bullshit. Because I think that the core of the program is to exchange one addiction for another. You give up your addictions to booze, dope, gambling or pussy and replace them with addictions to god, meetings, validation and bad coffee.

If you’re a so-called “hobbyist” in so-called recovery, fucking act like you believe in your platitudes. Instead of blaming those dirty whores for your failings, think about humbly asking your god to remove your shortcomings. Instead of lashing out at hookers (or bloggers) maybe it’s time to once again make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourselves. And, having slipped from the path and hidden behind your cloak of Internet anonymity to bash, berate, degrade and vilify those hookers whom you’ve picked as targets for your vitriol, may I once again suggest you revisit Step 9.

P.S. I’ve approved “Ball Smack’s” comment.

In among the wolves.

Keeping an eye on you.

As most of you who have blogs or websites know, we can see where the clicks to our sites are coming from.There are stat trackers galore and even the most basic blogging package has a hit counter of some sort. For example, I can see what websites I’m being linked to, I can see what web search terms people are using to stumble upon my little corner of the web.

Yeah, I can see that the most common search term used to direct traffic to the ol’ Hooker Addict is tied in to an essay I wrote some 5-6 months ago. For some reason, the topic refuses to die. I can see that I’m still getting traffic from a comment I posted on another blog months ago. And I guess I should be flattered that people searching for “huge cock” are being directed to me.

And I can see when you guys are talking about me on your message boards.

Because I’m one of you.

That’s right guys. I’m on your message boards, I’m in your private clubs, I’m on the ‘men only’ boards.

I wrote not too long ago about the social horror of the Hooker/Hobbyist Meet & Greet. Social awkwardness coupled with a sense of entitlement is a bad combination. A certain local message/review board linked to my blog on a thread about meet & greets. I could see every time someone clicked that link in that thread. But I didn’t need a stat tracker to tell me I’d been linked. I could read it myself.

And then you guys kicked it up a notch. You moved the discussion to the private men only board. Here, as you so often do, you used the cloak of internet invisibility, not to look inward but to lash out. But you didn’t lash out at me, did you?

I’m watching you. I know all you guys. I’ve partied with you. Hell, I may (or may not) have commented on that thread.

You wonder why I don’t like “hobbyists”? It’s because of that behavior. The venue brings out the worst in you. Some of you I have personally liked, I’ve had drinks with you, or maybe I just had a drink while you drank club soda. But based on your behavior behind closed Internet doors, maybe it’s time you start working the steps again. Maybe make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourselves again.

What are you saying? Your jacket doesn’t fit right with that knife in your back? Malcontent? Off your meds? What an amusing bon mot, joking about how a certain hooker actually likes being groped! Of course, she also likes doing bareback gangbangs, but you forgot to mention that part.

I’ll keep watching you, I’ll keep writing about you. And I’ll keep waiting for you to revisit Step 9.

War Stories

Posted: April 23, 2010 in cock, hookers, sex, whore
Tags: , ,

Guy talk.

Over there!

Guys talk. And sometimes, they talk to me. Why, I don’t know. I guess I just have that pervy kinda face.

At work the other day, just out of the blue, one of the guys starts talking about golden showers. OK, it’s a guy thing, I get it. Just trying to gross out the other guys. Most days, somebody would say “eeewww, that’s nasty!” Everyone would have a laugh and go back to their own cubicles. This day though, he carries the story a bit further. “I knew a girl once,” yeah, sure ya did…

“I knew a girl once, she told me she made a lot of money giving guys golden showers.” Now I’m wondering where he’s going with this. “She said she never had sex with ’em, guys would pay her to piss on ’em!” Why imagine that.

Next guy ups the stakes with a story about how his buddies took him to a whorehouse for his 18th birthday, Here he is, young and naive, having a drink at the bar at the Ranch. And since we’re now in a full fledged game of one-ups, the stranger at the bar next to him (in his story) sidles up and says “you ever have a girl shit on you?” Cuz a good hooker story just ain’t enough, it has to be a good gross hooker story.

I’ve come to realize that most guys have a hooker story to tell. It’s ubiquitous. It’s a rite of passage. Sooner or later, every guy (it seems) fucks a hooker. That time you got really drunk, that time you scored the winning goal, that time you fucked that hooker. War stories.

Teenage boys, celebrating a birthday by fucking a hooker. Money was pooled together, group discount rates. Mattresses were set up in the employee break room after store hours. The birthday boy gets the first ride. His buddies are in the boss’ office next door, and boys will be boys, they’ve set up a mirror in the ceiling panels so they can watch the action in the next room. Birthday boy has found his way in and established a rhythm, but being a novice fucker it won’t take him long. His pumping pace picks up, the train is pulling into the station… and the boys in the next room break out into a loud chorus of Happy Birthday.

Every guy has a hooker story.

There’s always a woman to blame.

Some people claim there's always a woman to blame

It’s not news (no, really, it isn’t), some high profile celebrity gets caught cheating on his high profile celebrity wife. Whether it’s an athlete, an actor or a famous mechanic (really? WTF? What’s next, celebrity grocery baggers?), we’re all drawn in to the tawdry drama. In the wake of the recent revelations of general horndoggery by Jesse James and the seemingly never-ending Tiger Woods Apology Tour, one thing is constant: those dirty, nasty, skanky whores who led them astray.

For example, in a recent online discussion of the James/Bullock story, with multiple alleged mistresses starting to come out of the woodwork, there was a comment made that Sandra Bullock should get herself tested for STDs. Good advice, to be sure, but the rationale was that the concern was because of the low class tattooed stripper porn stars Jesse was fucking were sure to be disease ridden whores. Whoa! Wait a minute, he’s the one going from one partner to another (to another and another and another), he’s the indiscriminate fucker here. But the women are the ones to blame if his dick falls off. The clowder of pussy surrounding Tiger is almost always portrayed as gold digging sluts… even if they were just waitresses in love. Noted relationship authority Dr. Jim Carrey, fresh off the news that his own relationship was on the rocks, chose to support Tiger by lashing out at Tiger’s wife. On his Twitter, Carrey posted:

“no wife is blind enough to miss that much infidelity. Elin had to be a willing participant on the ride for whatever reason. kids/lifestyle.”

Tiger goes back to his million dollar home, his million dollar wife and his million dollar job, and his wife, girlfriends and mistresses get thrown under the bus.

When it comes to “hobbyists”, there’s no fuck up that can’t be blamed on a hooker. Can’t get it up? That bitch was too ugly. Too broke to fuck? Those bitches charge too much. It’s not that you’re too short, that bitch was too tall. When hobbyists start talking about the reasons why they fuck hookers (and they always do), nine times out of ten it’s because the wife won’t put out anymore. See? They wouldn’t have to fuck hookers if the wife would just give it up more. It’s her fault he has to pay for pussy.

Last week I saw a post on the BrokeBastardsBoard titled simply “Bitch.” Simple facts, guy makes last minute appointment with escort, she’s a few minutes late, calls to ask if he wants to proceed or reschedule. Yeah, egregious. Seriously, he called her at 8:45. To make an appointment for 9:30. At 9:45, she calls him to say she got held up a bit, does he still want to get together or make it for some other time. And that makes her a bitch. A bitch that deserves being called out on a message board because she wasted his time and ruined his night. Dude, if your window of opportunity is so narrow that 15 minutes is a make-or-break, you probably shouldn’t be stepping out to see hookers at the last minute. Maybe plan ahead a bit. Your inability to plan doesn’t make her a bitch. “Hobbyists” are rarely if ever wrong. If a hooker says something you disagree with, you can round up all your message board warriors and start a thread calling her a bitch. After all, whatever stupid thing you said, whatever boneheaded move you made, whatever your shortcomings, there’s no problem too big (or too small) it can’t be blamed on a ho.

There’s a heavy weighting among the hobbyist class towards the Party of Personal Responsibility™. Which makes it all the more ironic that they don’t seem to be able to actually, y’know, accept personal responsibility. The boards afford them an opportunity to indulge in their favorite pastime. Cuz all they wanna do is bitch.

Romance meets Finance.

Sucker

He was a millionaire property developer. She was a $500 an hour escort. Sure, he was married when they met on an Internet site devoted to setting up rich men with… well, with women looking for rich men. But those are just details. That was long before the lawyers got involved.

The story of millionaire Robert Brot and callgirl Lindsey DeLeon starts out, as so many of these stories do, with a simple pay-for-play arrangement. The newspapers now call it a Cinderella story gone wrong. Brot now alleges he gave her thousands of dollars so she could leave behind the sordid world of having sex for money. When she took his money and ran, he sued her to get the money back.

Now, I don’t know any of the people involved in this story. I don’t know any of the details, beyond what’s being reported in the news. And not knowing, I don’t really care. What I do know is this: the news refers to him as a “Prince Charming.” They call her a “conwoman.” The implication is clear. He gave and gave. She took and took. After all, he’s a married man who cheated on his wife with women he picked up on the Internet and paid tens of thousands of dollars. But she’s a dirty whore.

Hobbyists lending money to hookers is nothing new. Hookers taking the money and leaving the hobbyist high, dry and holding his own pud is nothing new.  There’s a fairly well known escort who comes in and out of L.A. from time to time who is known to have taken thousands of dollars from a client. When he complained that the money was given as an ‘advance’ against future services, she declared him to be a creepy stalker and announced that she was never fucking him and never giving the money back. Another guy posted on the Bargain Basement Board that he had been robbed by some hooker he trusted. Seems he gave her his credit card number, just so she could post a few Craigslist ads, and was surprised when she ran up hundreds of dollars in Home Shopping Channel merchandise on his card. There again, the subtext of the story was: generous, chivalrous gentleman/greedy, gold digging whore. Again, I don’t know those people personally, so it’s all just “he said/she said.” But the overriding sentiment is, don’t give money to hookers, they’ll just take the money and run. That is, after all, what whores do.

Of course, in many of these stories you gotta wonder why the guy is handing over cash, jewelry and credit to some random message board hooker. To hear them tell it, it’s purely out of the goodness of their wee little hearts, But scratch the surface (no need to go too deep, either) and you’ll see that it’s usually some sort of hedge against future nookie. The twisted logic seems to be, if they give this gal money when she needs it, she’ll give them sex. Yeah, they’re paying for a freebie.

But the story of Robert and Lindsey takes on a slightly different tone. According to him, he fell in love. The money wasn’t a down payment on future sexual services, but given freely  to the woman he loved to help her build a better life. He proposed marriage, he bought her a ring. Guys often fall in “love” with hookers they’re fucking. Hey, it can sometimes be difficult to separate feelings of intimacy from feelings of biology. To separate the feelings in your heart from the feelings in your groin. Guys who have been doing this for any length of time are always quick to admonish the newcomers, “don’t fall in love.” And that’s good advice, if only superficially. I don’t want to veer off here into the whole ‘should you ever date a hooker’ scenario; the ‘is it possible to fall in love with a hooker’ conundrum.

Yeah, you give money to a hooker, there’s a chance you’re gonna get taken. But that’s true of lending money to your shiftless brother-in-law, too. “Hobbyists”, it should come as no surprise, tend to treat hookers like… well, hookers. Money is manipulation. From the White Knight to the Captain Save-A-Ho, the motivation is the same: keep the hooker indebted. To you. But sometimes –sometimes– the hard luck story of the rent being due, the car broken down, the wolves at the door are real. And sometimes –sometimes– it behooves us as human beings to look beyond the occupation to the person. Treating escorts like real human women shouldn’t be an alien concept.

So, should you lend money to a hooker? Short answer is “no.” Should you lend money to a friend? Sure. But make sure you’ll still be friends when you don’t get your money back.

Sexual Politics

The honey is on the nightstand

When people think of sex and politics these days, they immediately think of Bill and his cigar, Monica under the desk, John and his illegitimate love child or a certain political MILF.

But discussion of politics is often rampant on supposedly sexually oriented hooker message boards, review sites and blogs. Many escorts and other sex workers are politically active. Many “hobbyists” are, too. Although, there does seem to be a divergence of opinion among them along the political spectrum. The more active, the more vocal a sex worker is, whether on her own blog or on a message board, the higher the likelihood she’ll hear some variant of : “you’re just a dumb whore.”

Shut Your Whore Mouth When Men Are Talking.

Seen, not heard

Stupidity runs rampant and unchecked on the message boards. True, the same could be said of most social networking sites and general topic discussion boards. But it really digs itself in on the hooker boards. One certain local board seems to revel in and celebrate their stupidity and willful ignorance. By way of example: Some Girl posted a new thread devoted to passing around the latest e-mail chain letter political attack. You know the type. The kind of thing your mother-in-law forwards to everyone on her e-mail list, origins unknown. Some new outrage about the current politician or party that’s out of favor with the hasn’t-learned-how-to-Google crowd. When my elderly mother used to send me those, at first I’d look up the source, do a quick fact-check, then return it to her with those facts attached. I no longer bother with that. I recognize that, to my mom, it’s the equivalent of passing along a newspaper clipping about the town council or the local Easter egg hunt. It’s the yearly stories about razor blades in Halloween apples. She read it in the paper, so it must be true.  But when someone posting on an Internet message board posts that kind of easily debunked crap, your first thought tends to be: “this is why guys think you’re just a dumb whore.” Look, I know you know how to work the Internet machine. You’re posting on a goddam Internet message board. Thirty seconds worth of fact-checking could have spared you from looking like a stereotype. Fact is, though, there are a metric assload of guys on those boards who are just as stupid, if not more so. “HAR HAR! It’s snowing, that proves there’s no global warming!!1!” But no one calls them stupid whores. No one suggests they shut their stupid whore mouths when the (intelligent) men are talking.

Women — escorts — are routinely marginalized on the so-called escort social networking sites. It’s rare to see women participating in an active debate when it comes to politics or current events. Sure, they can jabber away all damn day and night about how much they love lingerie, or how they love to spend time with “hobbyists.” But the only  positions they’re allowed to talk about are ‘cowgirl vs. doggy’ not ‘Keynesian vs. Randian economics.’

This isn’t, strictly speaking, a Left vs. Right kinda thing, although there do tend to be clearly drawn lines. I used to be astounded that so many “hobbyists” hold extremely socially conservative political views. But seeing them consistently put down escorts, not just for holding opposing views, but for expressing their opinions at all, and the surprise wears off. It’s not surprising that guys who think a woman should keep her mouth shut unless she’s sucking a dick would hold conservative positions.

All of this has a tendency to drive women away from participating on the boards. One local board has seen the participation of the ladies dwindle down to almost nothing. As of this writing, there is one woman left who actively participates in discussions on that board, outside of the usual classified ads and hair flipping flirtation posts. Slowly but surely, outspoken women are dropped from the board. Ironically, the threads that she does participate in are the most widely viewed. Sure, a lot of the discussion tends to veer towards bashing her for her views, but that’s pretty much always the case when politics are discussed on the escort boards. Any opportunity to bash the ho’s is seized upon.

There’s nothing wrong with you holding an opinion that is contrary to mine, specially as it concerns politics. There are certain people I follow — on Twitter, here, message boards and elsewhere– that have diverging opinions on all manner of topics. But every time you open your virtual gob and spew out ignorant, uninformed, downright stupid tripe, you reinforce the stereotype. You make it that much harder for those who do have something valid to opine. “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

Silence is golden... duct tape is silver