Archive for the ‘money’ Category

Don’t let the bedbugs bite.

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Pro Tip: If you wouldn’t see a hooker working out of a cheap sleazy hotel like this, why are you staying here? It’s good enough for you to stay in, but not good enough for you to fuck in?

Even worse, how are you gonna call a hooker to a room like this? How are you gonna get a $600 an hour escort to come out to a $40 a night flop?

 

There’s always a woman to blame.

Some people claim there's always a woman to blame

It’s not news (no, really, it isn’t), some high profile celebrity gets caught cheating on his high profile celebrity wife. Whether it’s an athlete, an actor or a famous mechanic (really? WTF? What’s next, celebrity grocery baggers?), we’re all drawn in to the tawdry drama. In the wake of the recent revelations of general horndoggery by Jesse James and the seemingly never-ending Tiger Woods Apology Tour, one thing is constant: those dirty, nasty, skanky whores who led them astray.

For example, in a recent online discussion of the James/Bullock story, with multiple alleged mistresses starting to come out of the woodwork, there was a comment made that Sandra Bullock should get herself tested for STDs. Good advice, to be sure, but the rationale was that the concern was because of the low class tattooed stripper porn stars Jesse was fucking were sure to be disease ridden whores. Whoa! Wait a minute, he’s the one going from one partner to another (to another and another and another), he’s the indiscriminate fucker here. But the women are the ones to blame if his dick falls off. The clowder of pussy surrounding Tiger is almost always portrayed as gold digging sluts… even if they were just waitresses in love. Noted relationship authority Dr. Jim Carrey, fresh off the news that his own relationship was on the rocks, chose to support Tiger by lashing out at Tiger’s wife. On his Twitter, Carrey posted:

“no wife is blind enough to miss that much infidelity. Elin had to be a willing participant on the ride for whatever reason. kids/lifestyle.”

Tiger goes back to his million dollar home, his million dollar wife and his million dollar job, and his wife, girlfriends and mistresses get thrown under the bus.

When it comes to “hobbyists”, there’s no fuck up that can’t be blamed on a hooker. Can’t get it up? That bitch was too ugly. Too broke to fuck? Those bitches charge too much. It’s not that you’re too short, that bitch was too tall. When hobbyists start talking about the reasons why they fuck hookers (and they always do), nine times out of ten it’s because the wife won’t put out anymore. See? They wouldn’t have to fuck hookers if the wife would just give it up more. It’s her fault he has to pay for pussy.

Last week I saw a post on the BrokeBastardsBoard titled simply “Bitch.” Simple facts, guy makes last minute appointment with escort, she’s a few minutes late, calls to ask if he wants to proceed or reschedule. Yeah, egregious. Seriously, he called her at 8:45. To make an appointment for 9:30. At 9:45, she calls him to say she got held up a bit, does he still want to get together or make it for some other time. And that makes her a bitch. A bitch that deserves being called out on a message board because she wasted his time and ruined his night. Dude, if your window of opportunity is so narrow that 15 minutes is a make-or-break, you probably shouldn’t be stepping out to see hookers at the last minute. Maybe plan ahead a bit. Your inability to plan doesn’t make her a bitch. “Hobbyists” are rarely if ever wrong. If a hooker says something you disagree with, you can round up all your message board warriors and start a thread calling her a bitch. After all, whatever stupid thing you said, whatever boneheaded move you made, whatever your shortcomings, there’s no problem too big (or too small) it can’t be blamed on a ho.

There’s a heavy weighting among the hobbyist class towards the Party of Personal Responsibility™. Which makes it all the more ironic that they don’t seem to be able to actually, y’know, accept personal responsibility. The boards afford them an opportunity to indulge in their favorite pastime. Cuz all they wanna do is bitch.

Romance meets Finance.

Sucker

He was a millionaire property developer. She was a $500 an hour escort. Sure, he was married when they met on an Internet site devoted to setting up rich men with… well, with women looking for rich men. But those are just details. That was long before the lawyers got involved.

The story of millionaire Robert Brot and callgirl Lindsey DeLeon starts out, as so many of these stories do, with a simple pay-for-play arrangement. The newspapers now call it a Cinderella story gone wrong. Brot now alleges he gave her thousands of dollars so she could leave behind the sordid world of having sex for money. When she took his money and ran, he sued her to get the money back.

Now, I don’t know any of the people involved in this story. I don’t know any of the details, beyond what’s being reported in the news. And not knowing, I don’t really care. What I do know is this: the news refers to him as a “Prince Charming.” They call her a “conwoman.” The implication is clear. He gave and gave. She took and took. After all, he’s a married man who cheated on his wife with women he picked up on the Internet and paid tens of thousands of dollars. But she’s a dirty whore.

Hobbyists lending money to hookers is nothing new. Hookers taking the money and leaving the hobbyist high, dry and holding his own pud is nothing new.  There’s a fairly well known escort who comes in and out of L.A. from time to time who is known to have taken thousands of dollars from a client. When he complained that the money was given as an ‘advance’ against future services, she declared him to be a creepy stalker and announced that she was never fucking him and never giving the money back. Another guy posted on the Bargain Basement Board that he had been robbed by some hooker he trusted. Seems he gave her his credit card number, just so she could post a few Craigslist ads, and was surprised when she ran up hundreds of dollars in Home Shopping Channel merchandise on his card. There again, the subtext of the story was: generous, chivalrous gentleman/greedy, gold digging whore. Again, I don’t know those people personally, so it’s all just “he said/she said.” But the overriding sentiment is, don’t give money to hookers, they’ll just take the money and run. That is, after all, what whores do.

Of course, in many of these stories you gotta wonder why the guy is handing over cash, jewelry and credit to some random message board hooker. To hear them tell it, it’s purely out of the goodness of their wee little hearts, But scratch the surface (no need to go too deep, either) and you’ll see that it’s usually some sort of hedge against future nookie. The twisted logic seems to be, if they give this gal money when she needs it, she’ll give them sex. Yeah, they’re paying for a freebie.

But the story of Robert and Lindsey takes on a slightly different tone. According to him, he fell in love. The money wasn’t a down payment on future sexual services, but given freely  to the woman he loved to help her build a better life. He proposed marriage, he bought her a ring. Guys often fall in “love” with hookers they’re fucking. Hey, it can sometimes be difficult to separate feelings of intimacy from feelings of biology. To separate the feelings in your heart from the feelings in your groin. Guys who have been doing this for any length of time are always quick to admonish the newcomers, “don’t fall in love.” And that’s good advice, if only superficially. I don’t want to veer off here into the whole ‘should you ever date a hooker’ scenario; the ‘is it possible to fall in love with a hooker’ conundrum.

Yeah, you give money to a hooker, there’s a chance you’re gonna get taken. But that’s true of lending money to your shiftless brother-in-law, too. “Hobbyists”, it should come as no surprise, tend to treat hookers like… well, hookers. Money is manipulation. From the White Knight to the Captain Save-A-Ho, the motivation is the same: keep the hooker indebted. To you. But sometimes –sometimes– the hard luck story of the rent being due, the car broken down, the wolves at the door are real. And sometimes –sometimes– it behooves us as human beings to look beyond the occupation to the person. Treating escorts like real human women shouldn’t be an alien concept.

So, should you lend money to a hooker? Short answer is “no.” Should you lend money to a friend? Sure. But make sure you’ll still be friends when you don’t get your money back.