Money for nothin’

Posted: April 6, 2010 in Escorts, Hobbyist, hookers, money, prostituion, whore
Tags: , , , , , ,

Romance meets Finance.

Sucker

He was a millionaire property developer. She was a $500 an hour escort. Sure, he was married when they met on an Internet site devoted to setting up rich men with… well, with women looking for rich men. But those are just details. That was long before the lawyers got involved.

The story of millionaire Robert Brot and callgirl Lindsey DeLeon starts out, as so many of these stories do, with a simple pay-for-play arrangement. The newspapers now call it a Cinderella story gone wrong. Brot now alleges he gave her thousands of dollars so she could leave behind the sordid world of having sex for money. When she took his money and ran, he sued her to get the money back.

Now, I don’t know any of the people involved in this story. I don’t know any of the details, beyond what’s being reported in the news. And not knowing, I don’t really care. What I do know is this: the news refers to him as a “Prince Charming.” They call her a “conwoman.” The implication is clear. He gave and gave. She took and took. After all, he’s a married man who cheated on his wife with women he picked up on the Internet and paid tens of thousands of dollars. But she’s a dirty whore.

Hobbyists lending money to hookers is nothing new. Hookers taking the money and leaving the hobbyist high, dry and holding his own pud is nothing new.  There’s a fairly well known escort who comes in and out of L.A. from time to time who is known to have taken thousands of dollars from a client. When he complained that the money was given as an ‘advance’ against future services, she declared him to be a creepy stalker and announced that she was never fucking him and never giving the money back. Another guy posted on the Bargain Basement Board that he had been robbed by some hooker he trusted. Seems he gave her his credit card number, just so she could post a few Craigslist ads, and was surprised when she ran up hundreds of dollars in Home Shopping Channel merchandise on his card. There again, the subtext of the story was: generous, chivalrous gentleman/greedy, gold digging whore. Again, I don’t know those people personally, so it’s all just “he said/she said.” But the overriding sentiment is, don’t give money to hookers, they’ll just take the money and run. That is, after all, what whores do.

Of course, in many of these stories you gotta wonder why the guy is handing over cash, jewelry and credit to some random message board hooker. To hear them tell it, it’s purely out of the goodness of their wee little hearts, But scratch the surface (no need to go too deep, either) and you’ll see that it’s usually some sort of hedge against future nookie. The twisted logic seems to be, if they give this gal money when she needs it, she’ll give them sex. Yeah, they’re paying for a freebie.

But the story of Robert and Lindsey takes on a slightly different tone. According to him, he fell in love. The money wasn’t a down payment on future sexual services, but given freely  to the woman he loved to help her build a better life. He proposed marriage, he bought her a ring. Guys often fall in “love” with hookers they’re fucking. Hey, it can sometimes be difficult to separate feelings of intimacy from feelings of biology. To separate the feelings in your heart from the feelings in your groin. Guys who have been doing this for any length of time are always quick to admonish the newcomers, “don’t fall in love.” And that’s good advice, if only superficially. I don’t want to veer off here into the whole ‘should you ever date a hooker’ scenario; the ‘is it possible to fall in love with a hooker’ conundrum.

Yeah, you give money to a hooker, there’s a chance you’re gonna get taken. But that’s true of lending money to your shiftless brother-in-law, too. “Hobbyists”, it should come as no surprise, tend to treat hookers like… well, hookers. Money is manipulation. From the White Knight to the Captain Save-A-Ho, the motivation is the same: keep the hooker indebted. To you. But sometimes –sometimes– the hard luck story of the rent being due, the car broken down, the wolves at the door are real. And sometimes –sometimes– it behooves us as human beings to look beyond the occupation to the person. Treating escorts like real human women shouldn’t be an alien concept.

So, should you lend money to a hooker? Short answer is “no.” Should you lend money to a friend? Sure. But make sure you’ll still be friends when you don’t get your money back.

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Comments
  1. Sensual Lina says:

    Lets say there is a homeless guy i pass every day on my way to work. So one day I start giving him 100 dollars a day saying he should use this money to get himself an apartment.

    instead he wasted the money and keeps staying on the street. Do I now go to court and request my money back?

  2. Serpent says:

    Sorry but these guys are as big of idiots as they come. Why would you give anyone-hooker or not- your credit card number? Or loan them advance fees on payment? So ridiculous. And anyone who does it deserves to get screwed over because they are not just thinking. Don’t blame “hookers”. This happens between regular people all the time. Lending money to friends can get you just as screwed as lending money to hookers.

    • Some Guy says:

      Oh, I don’t blame ‘hookers.’ I think, to be fair, that escorts are just as likely as any other segment of society to turn out to be less than ethical. But my greater point is not that hookers will rob you blind, but that hookers are people first and hookers second. Yeah, those guys are idiots. If you give your credit card number to someone you met on a hooker message board, you’re askin’ for trouble. If you do it, as so often they do, with the expectation of ‘payment-in-kind’, then they’re even bigger idiots. Like I said, I think the ‘loan’ is just another form of manipulation. If there’s one thing hobbyists like more than pussy it’s exerting control over pussy.
      They say you should never lend money to a friend unless you’re willing to lose either the money or the friend.

  3. RB says:

    As an escort, a guy offering to prepay (different from a deposit), is a red flag to run, run, RUN in the opposite direction.

    Having been in a few “sugardaddy” relationships before escorting, I totally agree that the “prepay” is trying to exert control over MY body, but more insidiously, my mind and certain parts of me (if it were just about sex, these guys would be happy fucking hourly girls and not get into these situations).

    I guess in my earlier years I could have been accused of such on a considerably smaller scale (a car or 2 was given to me, credit cards given, etcetera)… but if the sugar-daddies were paying me at my “going rate” as an escort, I would have been a “cheap whore”. That is not to mention the times I made the mistake of being “exclusive” (want to try to buy me out at my current rate, still quite reasonable compared to other escorts?).

    Relationships with sugardaddies have always ended, for me, because the guys wanted to change the relationship from lighthearted fun, to becoming emotionally demanding, draining… after the money, ALWAYS comes wanting to “fix” everything else in my life and trying to control my values and basic living choices… Age gaps don’t help, and as much as I appreciate men my dad’s age, I really want to learn some things on my own or try things in a way that they disapprove of. The last thing I want to do is have sex with a guy who is acting like a mother hen (versus protective, but that’s another rant).

    One of the things that made me decide to be an escort, setting firm expectations for boundaries and what my time was worth, was that one time this sugar daddy prepaid me… and in the middle of our agreement, he socially embarrassed me, made demands for monogamy, wanted to “fix” my relationship with my mother… so I dropped him and kept the money. At my current 2-3 day rates, he would have been owing ME money for the time we actually did spend together (not to mention phone calls, emails, etc- if I spent that much time on every patron, I’d not have time to actually see anyone).

    These jilted sugardaddies are all like “poor me” in their sob stories on why they don’t want to “pay up” any more. Yet they don’t want to pay multi-hour companions their rates.

    Real relationships are hard work. Women in their early 20s are immature and naive, especially compared to guys 30+ years older. She may have screwed up a little with setting or maintaining boundaries and expectations, but ultimately he should have known better than to think that a 25 year old escort from the BFE in the midwest/west would be emotionally able to handle that kind of cross-generation, cross-cultural, divide.

  4. RB says:

    Oh ya, and that most recent sugardaddy… actually did ask me for some of the money and gifts back (I ignored him). He felt screwed, but I never asked for him to pre-pay me either. As I said, this was the one that really pushed me into escorting…

    Probably because it’s relatively easy to say “it’s me, not you” when the guy is wanting to “fix” you, I have ended other arrangements very amicably.

    • Some Guy says:

      … after the money, ALWAYS comes wanting to “fix” everything else in my life and trying to control my values and basic living choices…

      Bears repeating.
      Thanks for your comments.

  5. MM says:

    What a clear and well thought out post & reply. Kudos to you both for sharing. I can def. Relate to similar situations and appreciate your candid honesty.

  6. Lindsey says:

    This is Lindsey. Yes the very Lindsey that this post is referring to. The part that everyone has missed here is that he brought me to NYC as a sugar and put me into the business after he trapped me there. He literally controlled every aspect of my life. I was not allowed to leave. I was never an escort before I met him. I was head of PR for a non profit county counseling center. I waitressed as a second job to pay bills. This is why Robert Brot’s family removed him from the business and put him in an institution. I tried to kill myself to get away and when it did not succeed, the doctors told my mom to get me out of NYC. I am not a hooker. I was a young naiive girl who got into a scary situation. I was not his first victim. I was not his last. There is a reason the lawsuits have been dropped and they are now begging me to settle. I will because I want my life back and I want to heal. I want the chance to move on with my life past this hell.

  7. Clix says:

    Good luck, Lindsey. 🙂

  8. joe says:

    This particular blog hits close to home with what I’m going through now. I have only been a hobbyist for 8 months and for the most part, sex was just sex and I was having fun. I was working a lot, didn’t have time to date, and this was a nice escape. I never had feelings for them…until I met one particular girl who was also a porn star. She was a lot different than the other providers I had seen and I was very attracted to her personality. She was fun to be with and we were even into the same things. I saw her a few times for sex but we also went out a few times to the movies, dinners, etc as friends and I wasn’t making any donations for it. Then at one point she started to develop feelings for me, was calling me while I was on a work trip telling me that she was falling in love with me and that she was lucky to have me in her life and that she had even told her mom about me. She would leave me sweet voicemails asking me to come home so we could go out. I also had feelings for her that developed quickly. She had an awesome personality, was smart, and a sweet person once you get beyond the porn/hooker act. I was completely cool with her job and what she did, because I had feelings for her that weren’t really about sex. I really wanted to get to know her better as a person. I had asked her if she wanted to go to a work party with me and she wanted to go. So, we go out to this party and we were having fun for a couple hours and I drop her off afterwards, kiss her goodnite and I went home. That night and the next day she texted me and was pissed at me because I didn’t ‘compensate’ her for the evening. Now, mind you, we had gone out before and there was no compensation involved, so I was totally shocked, especially after she had claimed to have feelings for me. I was a little angry about it because at that point I felt pretty crappy – like everything she had said before or the time we spent just hanging out was meaningless to her. I did apologize to her because I didn’t realize that’s why she went with me, but I accused her of lying to me about really having any feelings for me if she was going to treat me as another client. I felt bad accusing her of that, but at the time that’s how she made me feel. She did say that she never lied and had feelings for me, but that personal and business overlap – which I don’t really understand. I understand what she does and I’m cool with it, but if you truly have feelings for someone and want to spend time with them, how does that get mixed with business? Since then I didn’t text her much because I knew she was pissed and I figured if she really was interested, she’d call. Of course she never did so I texted her at one point and she was still focused on how I screwed her – even though I did apologize and said that I did not do that on purpose – i thought we were going out as legitimate friends. But, anyways, I haven’t talked to her much since then, because I’m still upset about the whole thing. But what kills me the most is that just ask quick as we built up feelings for each other, they were basically shattered because of this one night. She was so quick to write me off that I guess it shows that she was just using me and never had any true feelings for me. It’s too bad though, because I really liked her as a person underneath and didn’t have a problem with her job. I understand what she does. I know that she works a lot. I know her reasons for it. I’m not a needy jealous guy at all but at the end of the day, if you have true feelings for someone, act like it and make a distinction between your work and your personal life. If you don’t have feelings for that person, then don’t lie about it. I’d be fine if she was just honest with me. I don’t really think that’s a crazy thing to ask. But, it just goes to show you that’s it’s best not to get involved with anyone emotionally in this particular business because they are just as quick to throw you to the curb as they are to tell you what you want to hear. Even if she did have feelings for me, the fact that it was so easy for her to forget me after that work party just shows that they were never that deep, and that I was wasting my time by developing feelings for her. I still feel for her because of the person she is underneath, but if I’m compensating her to just hang out, then I’m not different from any other guy she sees and I’d never know if she was being genuine or not. I just don’t know what to say to her now.

  9. I believe men should never give money to an escort as a loan. And it’s not because I think escorts are inherently dishonest people, as I’m an escort after all and quite honest. However, I believe you shouldn’t give away money to ANYONE…period. If a person needs money really bad, they will find a way to get it without you dishing out money to them for free. The last time I checked, banks do offer loans. And personally, I do not give money away to anyone (with the exception of the little ones in my family) including civie friends, and I expect the same in return. Of course sometimes I will pick up the restaurant tab, and other times they will, but we do not hand over cold hard cash, because whether they are an escort or not, 9 out of 10 chances you will not get your money back.