“You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious.”

430 Reviews / 18 White List referrals

You walk into a dimly lit bar, not quite knowing what awaits you inside. What manner of creatures have been coaxed out from their lairs. Sure, you’ve lived on this planet all your life, you’ve seen some strange things, but nothing can prepare you for the motley collection of losers, freaks and bad skin.

The Hobby Party. The Meet & Greet. The Pinch & Grope.

If this is your first time attending a Meet & Greet, you may be unprepared for the array of socially awkward  misfits and wannabe pimps. Sure, if you’re an escort you’ve encountered these types on an almost daily basis, but it’s different when they’re all gathered in one place. Sometimes it’s not enough to flirt with hookers online. Sometimes you need to get up close and personal for all your inappropriate comments and inartful leering.

Just about a coupla weeks ago, I went to another “hobby” party. They pop up from time to time. It gives the party organizers an opportunity to present themselves as big movers n’ shakers in the world of whoring. I swear, these guys who put together these meet & greets see themselves as erudite bon vivants. In their minds, they’re not in a some bar surrounded by a bunch of hookers and johns handing out name tags and free drink coupons. They see themselves as the ultimate high society host.

The parties, whether its a cocktail hour or a luncheon, are often in some slightly seedy, slightly cheesy bar or Mexican restaurant. Sometimes a hotel meeting room, sometimes that local downtown broker’s watering hole. This particular one was part of the recent trend towards more ‘upscale’ doings. A trendy joint in a trendy part of town. Unfortunately, it was also in a part of town known for its gang activity. A lot of the hobbyists attending were a bit taken aback by all the police cars cruising the neighborhood. Specially in light of recent sting operations in other towns where cops have infiltrated a meet & greet. To try to counter that, the organizers have started instituting a cover charge for the guys. I guess they figure if you’re a cop you’re not gonna shell out $40 to join the party. Sure, that’ll work.

If you’ve spent any time at all on the escort discussion boards, you know that there’s a serious lack of tact and discretion and critical thinking skills. When you meet these guys in person you realize that they also have a sever lack of social skills. of course, that really shouldn’t come as much of a surprise. If these guys had skills, they wouldn’t be hobbyists. Oh, they might still be paying to fuck hookers. But they wouldn’t be “hobbyists.”

When I arrived at Mos Eisley,I decide to skip the valet parking (I’m pretty sure a lot of other guys did, too. A $40 door charge plus valet starts getting steep) so I park across the street at the grocery store. I pay my cover charge ($40!) and take a pass on the table with the name tags. Look, I ain’t wearing a name tag. Besides, I use a different handle on each of the several boards I belong to, so it’s either no tag or… well, my chest isn’t big enough for all those names.

Inside the dimly lit bar, the party is in full swing. That is to say, There’s a bunch of loud, inappropriately dressed gals circulating and a bunch of shy, awkward, overweight dudes in khakis sitting around like the chess club at the prom. True story: I once saw a guy at one of these parties, a guy who was a constant presence on the discussion boards, who would take every opportunity to comment on every single goddam topic of discussion and always–always–act like he’s the smartest guy in the room. This guy, in real life was so socially inept, that the girl he was with had to treat him like a 5 year old, showing him how to put things in his pocket so he’d have both hands free to hold his drink, wiping shrimp cocktail sauce off his chin. Had she not decided on a career in escorting, she could have been a kindergarten teacher.

Then there’s the other subset,the guys who are too cool for the room. The guy who makes sure everyone sees him drive up in his custom hot rod, or the guy years past his prime who makes a point of showing up fashionably late so everyone can see him arm in arm with the high-dollar gal. The guy who finds a strategically placed table and proceeds to hold court like Jabba the Hutt.

Being a gentleman is apparently unheard of. I guess most guys figure that having paid a hefty $40 door charge just to get in, they don’t need to be a gentleman and buy a drink for a lady. They don’t even need to be polite and have an actual conversation with an actual flesh and blood woman. And every girl there is there just for his amusement. Every girl is there to get felt up by sweaty guys in Hawaiian shirts and Dockers.

When I first got involved with the whole hobby culture, the meet n’ greets were a low key affair. Usually, one of the board bigwigs would get everyone together in the meeting room of some airport Ramada or some such. The thinking was that a “business lunch” would be an easy sell, a plausible excuse for the married guys to get away in the middle of the day. I thought it was a bit funny, naive and in its own way kinda charming that attendees were told to dress in business casual attire and tell anyone who asked that they were members of an Internet based business networking group. That thin veneer of respectability would be shattered as soon as the first girl showed up wearing something more appropriate for the bedroom than the boardroom. So a bunch of guys dressed like traveling plumbing salesmen gathered in a hotel with a bunch of hookers dressed like… well, hookers. Yep. Nothing suspicious there.

Now, the meet and/or greet is more likely to be an evening shindig. The casual hobbyist finds it harder to come up with an excuse to be out for the night. But the scantily clad girls draw less attention.

The message boards are an often anonymous way for hookers and johns to interact, and too often that anonymity is taken as a license for some nasty, ugly behavior. So you would think that when they step out from behind the keyboard and actually come face to face with those real people behind the screen names that there would be more civility. Well, you would think that if you’d never met a hobbyist.

Oh, and Han shot first.

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Comments
  1. Wow. This gives an interesting perspective! I’m glad I didn’t read it before I went to my first 😛

    We have a local message board, which, as imperfect as it is, runs the meet-n-greets totally differently. Another escort runs it, and I think everyone is a little scared of her. It’s still the same handful of guys (who may or may not “hobby” all that much), and none of my “regulars” are the type to show up at these gatherings.

    I mainly use the socials as a way to put a face-to-a-handle with other women who I often ask for references or give references to. It was a great way, starting out, to get some validation by the local community (hey, I look like my pics and I have all my teeth, too!).

  2. M says:

    I used to love goin to meet and greets when it first started down in my area. It was a bunch of providers (not skanks) and hobbyists who had mutual respect for each other. There was no ego involved and we all got together to have a good time. We acted and dressed like responsible members of society.
    As it grew, and responsibilities were given to someone who was only interested having orgies, it all went down hill. The organizer wanted (and is still trying) to turn into a sex freak circus show. The number of respectable ladies dwindled, due to discretion issues. The new organizer started inviting skanks… just because you are hooker doesn’t mean you have to act and dress like one.
    Before you know it, the meet and greets became a gathering of characters. Girls trying to out skank each other, creepy guys with no social skills, middle-aged guys with over inflated egos, bargain hunters, etc. It just wasn’t fun. It just wasn’t the same.

  3. Some Guy says:

    Thanks to both of you for your comments. You both bring up some interesting points. One thing I have noticed over the years is that parties hosted by the ladies tend to be more elegant in nature. Ladies tend to pick hipper venues, the parties have more of a sense of purpose and the guest list is carefully chosen to weed out the asshole element.
    And sure, there are always exceptions, not every guy who goes to a meet & greet is an asshole. Hey, after all, I go to them myself! 😉
    I’ve seen some very classy ladies, I’ve seen well behaved gentlemen. But they tend to be outside the norm.
    It’s as if hobbyists who host and attend these parties have been watching too much late night Cinemax. They seem to have this fantasy that if they get a bunch of hookers together in the same room they won’t be able to help themselves from breaking out into an impromptu orgy.

  4. CocosButter says:

    I used to love going to the Meet & Greets…I still do, just not as often. It’s better that way. It got so that the guys acted like it was a required event for a girl to go to and then just find stuff to complain about. The discretion is sometimes an issue also…with some easily excitable guys walking around wanting to grope and grab whomever they wish. But if you know how to handle it and back them off it can be avoided. Plus that isn’t EVERY guy… I tend to stick to who I know and trust, and anyone new that I am introduced to has usually been a Gentleman.

    Our board has alot of evening ones…but also started having daytime ones because it’s hard for some to get away from home in the evening. We have also had anniversary dinners and barbecues…and I myself used to host a monthly birthday party at a bathhouse that is closeby us.

    The Meet & Greets are a pleasant way to interact and cut down on the “cold calling” aspect of the Hobby. There is bad apples in every bunch and if you let them overrun the quality of course would wither away. I think all in all they are a good thing and don’t lose the “sparkle” unless you are going all the time.

  5. Sensual Lina says:

    I’ve become a real fan of your blog lately. I usually attend Meets in two cities – NYC (my home town) to meet Ladies.

    It helps to actually MEET people who’s word impacts my personal safety.

    Also, I have a rule of never doing doubles with someone I have not seen socially.

    Vegas is another place where I attend these events and that is purely social/vacation thing for me.

    What I could never understand, is people trying to arrange appointments at these parties.

    Not every client/provider interruction has to involve BCD activities.

    Keep writing! You do it rather well.

    Lina

    • Some Guy says:

      You’re absolutely right. The safety aspect of it can’t be overstated. But a guy who behaves boorishly in public may present a safety risk in private.

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  7. I’ve been to one M&G and I vowed to never return again. I saw all I needed to see the first go round.

    I was fairly new in the business so I thought it would be a good idea to get out and meet others. I was extremely uncomfortable – it was just not my thing. If it weren’t for a few respectable ladies, whom I still consider friends, I wouldn’t have stay

    Your blog is spot on. As I was reading through the different types of characters you listed that appear at these shin digs, I was almost certain we had been at the same M&G. But alas, I guess these are everywhere!

    Love your blogs!

    • Some Guy says:

      Hey, you never know. Did a handsome, charming young guy buy you a drink at the bar? If so, I might have been standing next to that guy.

  8. redflagging says:

    I’ve actually never heard of these Meet & Greets for hobbyists. But I never spent much time on message boards.

    Are they effective? Do lots of men and women attend..?

    I sorta wish I was still in the biz. I think it would be fun to go to one.

    • Some Guy says:

      Y’know, on a certain level I suppose it is fun. Hell, I enjoy ’em. But then again, I enjoy the zoo. Are they effective? I dunno about that. Effective how? My observation is that the guys tend to be time wasters, tire kicker, window shoppers. Not serious buyers. You should go.

  9. KD says:

    First off, it was 100% Greedo’s fault. Had he just kept his hands on the table Solo would have never pulled his blaster…

    But more importantly, I don’t go to the Meet and Greets. I’ve been to 1 and it totally skeeved me out.

    There was a bizarre air of desperation, it felt like the whole time I was there it was last call, and the men were looking to find someone, anyone to go home with, and the women were looking who they could tolerate the most.

    I do hobby, but its an intensely personal experience. I do post on boards, occasionally, but its the whole thing is for me, about me, and I find the whole idea of meeting other John’s really off putting.

    Uhg, gives me the willies just remembering my 1 and only M&G.