I have some advice for all you hookers out there. I know what you’re doing wrong, I know what you need to do to get more clients, I know how to run your business.
Cuz no one knows more about being a hooker than a trick. Right?
Gimme a break.
It’s fairly common on the hooker message boards for Some Girl to ask something along the lines of “what am I doing wrong here?” Usually, it’s a girl new to the site, unsure of what the posting guidelines are, looking for feedback on how to better navigate the vagaries of any particular local board. More often than not, the subtext is: “I keep posting ads, why aren’t any of you losers booking dates?”
Instead of the real honest answer (“we’re all a bunch of cheap bastards in here, we’d rather waste your time flirting online than actually paying to fuck”) this opens the doors wide for a barrage of unwanted, unsolicited, unrealistic business advice. Much like every Republican (or “Independent”) posting on political boards, every john posting on hooker boards is a Captain of Industry. Come to think of it, there’s probably a huge overlap in those two sub-groups. Must be an interesting Venn diagram.
They have tons of advice. It may not surprise you to learn that the single most important piece of business advice from johns to hookers is: lower your prices. Lower rates, more pictures. More revealing pictures, but not professional pictures, camera phone pictures (since everyone knows those can’t be edited) and offer specials to board members.
Every “hobbyist” knows exactly how a hooker should operate her business. And they ain’t shy about telling them how.
I was reminded of this not too long ago; a provider with whom I’ve become somewhat friendly asked me to check out her new website. Beta testing was all that was asked of me. I hope I came to my senses soon enough and kept my advice to myself. Yet my immediate instinct was to tell her what was wrong with it, how she should change things, which pictures to use. See, I know better than she does.
And that right there is the crux of it. The guys think that they always know better than the stupid hookers. Sure, some of those “stupid” hookers also run successful businesses. Some have graduate degrees. Some are experienced, knowledgeable and conversant in topics ranging from law to economics to business to art, design, politics or technology. But they’re hookers, so obviously they’re nowhere near as smart as the guy who runs a window pane store or the insurance salesman or the plumber who spends all his time commenting on a hooker message board. And I’m sure your job at Disneyland is quite challenging.
These guys are attempting to correct what they see as a shift in the balance of power. For years, ages, it was commonly accepted that the john held all the power. He had the penis and the dollars and that made him right. This new era of online escorts is making them feel like the hooker is in the driver’s seat, and they don’t like that, no sir, not one bit. How dare she ask for screening information? Whaddaya mean I have to book ahead? Why can’t I fuck you bareback in the ass? Really, what does she think she is? It comes from a point of view that since you’re paying her, she can’t say ‘no.’ For guys who are constantly hearing ‘no’ from women — no, the wife won’t blow him. No, the girl at the bar won’t go out with him — they figure that if they’re paying a hooker she can’t say ‘no.’ To anything. They don’t realize that just because she says ‘yes’ doesn’t mean she loses the right to say ‘no.’
And so, they try to re-exert their lost control. They’ll tell those hookers what to do and how to do it. Online flirting with hookers makes them feel more desirable. Paying for pussy makes them feel valuable. Making hookers feel stupid makes them feel smarter.
Look, I’ve been involved with the escort boards for a while. I’ve seen hookers/escorts/streetwalkers/callgirls/courtesans. I’ve run my own business, I’ve worked for others. I’ve know providers, both personally and professionally. And I don’t know anything about being an escort.
Yeah, I know, you’re a successful businessman.
You often have to deal with a customer who’s being a dick. But you don’t actually have to deal with his dick. You know how to grow your business, you know how to advertise your business, you know how to deal with customers. But no matter how difficult your customers are, unless your job entails meeting strange men in hotel rooms and literally sucking their dicks, you don’t know dick about being an escort.