It’s my Pity Party, and I’ll cry if I want to

Posted: January 9, 2010 in escort review, ho, Hobbyist, hookers, los angeles, sex work
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

The long tearful farewell.

How can we miss you if you won't go away?

It’s a cliché of every sad, tragic, romantic movie. Tugging at the heartstrings, emotion laid bare.

I… I… just can’t go on. I don’t have it in me to continue. But before I go… tell me how much you’ll miss me.

“Those of you who know me,” they’ll say, “know I don’t do things half-assed.” Who would that be? Who knows you?

It’s becoming more and more common on escort message boards, Twitter and blogs to throw yourself a pity party before you leave. Sometimes it takes days, weeks for someone to leave. And all the while, reveling in the fond remembrances of those who love them… or the voices in their own heads.

It’s like something out of a Garry Marshall movie. “Please don’t go!” “We’ll miss you so!”

You'll miss me, won't you?

Seems like not a week goes by without someone announcing that they’re leaving. No one just leaves. They all have to let you know that they’re leaving and why. And of course you have to give your legions of devoted followers (or sock puppets) ample opportunity to tell you and the world how fabulous you are. “I just don’t have the heart to stand any longer, there will be no more.” However, “I’ll continue seeing my regular clients as long as they wish me to.”

Look, just pull the plug and slink off stage. STFU and GTFO. If ya wanna go, just fuckin’ go. If it takes you a week to craft your thousand word farewell, that’s a whole damn week out of your bright shiny new life wasted.

Boo fuckin' hoo

If it takes a 3 volume novella with 100 comments and a cast of thousands to tell us all about how you have better, more important things to do… well, how ’bout you stop telling us and start doing them. If you have so much free time on your hands that you can come up with seven paragraphs with links and photos about how you’re much too distraught to go on, maybe stepping away from the computer is the best thing for you. Trust me, we’ll find a way to soldier on without you. There are actual hookers out there to fuck.

Don't it just break your heart?

And just so you don’t think I’m being unduly harsh to the dearly departing ladies, let me assure you that guys do this, too. I can’t tell you how many times a ‘hobbyist’ will post all about how he has to leave the board, usually because his wife found out. If only he’d known how not to get caught. Sure, he was stupid enough to get caught, and now he’s going to compound the stupidity by throwing himself a going away party where all the hookers will tell him how much they’ll miss him cuz he was such a great client. Might as well just hand your balls to the divorce lawyers. But they must have their last hurrah. That one last time when they can be the big fish, even if it is in a small local pond. Well, the last time that is, until they come back in a month with a new handle and start all over again.

I have to confess, I was once taken in by the pitiful goodbye. A somewhat well known escort on a previous incarnation of a message board posted that she was leaving, retiring, moving out of town, So long, thanks for all the fish. Like a sucker, I responded. Sorry to see you go, darn the luck, I had hoped to get around to seeing you sometime. Oh well, good luck, good bye. She pounced. Well, she wasn’t gone yet, I could still get in to see her. Why, she’d even give me a discount. Feeling caught, I said yes. She was perfectly fine, a lovely lady, we had a pleasant time. But, really, I probably wouldn’t have seen her if she hadn’t posted that goodbye thread. Since then, she’s moved out of town, moved back, retired, un-retired. And each time with great accompanying fanfare. She’s had more farewell tours than Cher.

It’s remarkably easy to leave. This isn’t the Hotel California. You don’t have to post a thread asking the board admin to delete your account. You don’t have to tell us all about what the future holds. You don’t have to get in that final dig at your detractors. You just have to go.


  1. Amanda Lisle says:

    Oh my god! Are we on the same boards? Atleast 15 girls locally are now “retiring” and by retiring they mean going UTR and simply fucking their regs instead of hustling. Mind you I did this about 6 months ago once I was established enough to not have to fight other girls for clients, but I didn’t feel the need to tell everyone. I emailed all my clients and then went back to college.

    Apparently, I was doing it wrong.