Trust Me

Who do you trust?

Relationships are built on trust. Your kids trust you to teach them. Your friends trust you to be there for them. Your wife trusts you not to go around screwing hookers. Eh, what are ya gonna do?

The concept of “Trust” as applied to the provider/hobbyist milieu is a complicated one. Everyone has a certain level of trust when they knock on that hotel room door for the first time. Is she going to look like her pictures? I’m trusting she will. Is he going to arrest her? She’s trusting he won’t. Is she going to arrest me? Well, at that point, I don’t care what she looks like.

I was reminded of the importance trust recently. First, the whole impostor scandal reminded us all that it’s sometimes easy to get taken in by someone with a gift for fiction. Then there’s something I read on one of those “hobbyist” message boards masquerading as social networking sites.

This site has taken the ‘trust’ concept and escalated it to it’s most ridiculous extreme. In theory, it works like this: Guy sees girl. Everyone has sexy fun time, no one gets arrested (or worse), she goes home a few bucks in the black, he goes home and tries to explain to his wife where his paycheck went. But I digress.

After that pleasurable exchange, they can then each vouch for the other. She can let other providers know he’s trustworthy, he can brag to his online buddies about how many times he made her cum before he popped off for the third time while doing her doggy style. But I digress. So now he’s earned ‘trust.’ Simple. You scratch my back, I cum all over your back. But they couldn’t leave it at that. It’s become a completely different animal. Not content with tit-for-tat, they’ve turned the whole thing into some sort of perverted Dungeons & Dragons. There are Levels, points, arcane rules and algorithms. No longer is it a simple exchange, now you’re graded on karma, judgement, and a whole slew of picayune esoterica. It’s no longer enough to be a safe, clean, civilian guy with cash, now you have to be a Level 2 knight elf with FX points and good karma. It’s like World of Whorecraft.

Low Hangers

Two years ago, there was a serious crime committed. In the dark of a northwestern night, a man lay dead, shot in the back. Like something out of a pulp crime novel, a man’s life was taken, his children left fatherless, in a plot to profit from the property and life insurance policies. The plotters, murderers, sit behind bars. The victim’s estranged wife, mother to the son who witnessed his own father’s brutal murder, has been convicted. Her new lover stands accused as the manipulative mastermind of the murder-for-profit plot. If it weren’t so real, it could be a ripped-from-the-headlines TV movie of the week.

What makes that case relevant is the people involved in the plot. The estranged wife who pulled the trigger – five times- was a well established, well reviewed escort. The man who manipulated her, who brought her to the point where she willingly became a murderer, was… no, IS… a well established, highly trusted member-in-good-standing of that same hobbyist message board. He is to this day a highly trusted Level 4 (out of a possible 5) hobbyist. Sixty-five people on that site have given him their highest rating, and deemed him to be safe, trustworthy, responsible. A real fucking boy scout. Some of those ratings came after his arrest on various drug, weapons and murder charges. And what makes this all even worse is the continuing use of “trust” as currency. There is even now a thread on that board admonishing members to be careful who they assign ‘trust’ to. They say: you can’t be too careful, you could be vouching for a murderer. And yet they have, and continue to do so. A provider is vilified for vouching for a guy who turned out to be a rapist. But they vouch for a guy awaiting trial for his role in a murder. That guy they support and encourage, but a hooker who says something on the Internet that they disagree with they slander and vilify. A guy accused in a murder-for-profit plot they give money to bail out of jail. A hooker they don’t like they offer money to expose.

Trust is the basis of every relationship. And those of us who swim these pussy-filled waters are no different. As hobbyists, part of the allure of the message board is the sense of sharing and community, building friendships with like-minded people, letting them in on something we can’t talk to our families or co-workers about. And we trust them to keep those secrets safe because they have the same secret. I imagine (and not having a pussy in this race, it’s only conjecture on my part) that as a provider, part of the allure of the online communities is building friendships with others who are in the same position, someone who has walked a mile in your fuck-me shoes. And you know you can trust them, because they know, better than any trick, what it’s like to put yourself on the line like that. Which makes it all the worse when some hooker wannabe stabs you in the eye with a stiletto heel. The worst evil is the one we invite in.

And no, it’s not just crazy unstable hookers. It’s not female trouble. The guys are doing it to each other, too. Under the pretense of camaraderie, more and more hobbyist are looking for ways to screw the other guy. Jealousy rears its ugly head, even when the object of desire is a hooker. How dare she accept money to fuck that other guy? Doesn’t he know I pay to fuck her?

The backlash created by a poseur appropriating the persona of a sex worker has reached a peak of fury. And trust, again plays into it. People trusted her. People now feel that their trust has been betrayed. And now, someone is abusing the trust others placed in them by attempting to use it to terrorize those they feel responsible for the whole sordid affair. That some punter (and yes, I’m fairly certain it’s a guy) is willing to turn to borderline criminal acts to “expose” someone, and how he’s going about it, speaks more to his failings than anything else.

And that right there is one of the worst things we should take away from l’affaire d’jour. Trust is the basis of the hooker/john relationship. I’m trusting she’s not a cop or a rip-off or worse. She’s trusting he’s not gonna rip her off, arrest her, beat and rape her. That trust has been shattered. It’s been trampled by a faux ho, wannabe, lying impersonator. And it’s being further stomped by a small, petty, jealous person who blames others for his shortcomings. Someone who has more money than integrity.

Because if you can worm your way into the inner circles of this community only to use the information you glean from it to extract revenge for your someone having the audacity to point out that you’re a liar, then no one is safe.

This is a fun “hobby” for some. And yes, the essence of it is pleasure. I enjoy the hell out of this. But every one of those escorts I see is a real woman.

I welcome your comments.

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  2. […] will often go to great lengths to get a free session. They’ll try to use their status as ‘trusted’ board members, they’ll claim to be able to steer more business to an escort, they’ll […]