How Not to Get Caught, Pt. 2

Posted: December 7, 2009 in Hobbyist
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I've got your number

The Hobby Phone.

Here’s another lesson Tiger should have learned. One that should be glaringly obvious, yet isn’t. Don’t give out your real phone number.

That is unless you want your wife to find your hooker’s phone number on your call list. Or maybe you’re just looking to break into the music biz by having those desperate voice mail messages turned into a soulful slow jam.

For a while now, there’s been a recurring discussion on some of the escort message boards about the use of the “hobby phone.”  These guys get into heated arguments about the merits of having a separate cell phone to use just for hooking up with hookers. Should you have one? Which phone is the best? Why not just call from the office? And of course, how do you hide your second phone from your wife?

Answer number one is: yes, you idiot, you should have one. Well, that’s the simplified version. Remember, don’t give out your real phone number.

Hi Brittney, my wife thinks I'm in a meeting!

Guys who spend hours and hours and hours sitting in front of a computer, chatting up hookers (instead of actually paying to get the pussy) and building up their “trust” level with other guys often consider themselves to be more technologically savvy and just plain smarter than the average bear. They will go on and on about the latest smartphone, they know just how to hack every gadget and they know the secret code to make their phones invisible or some shit. These guys will inevitably get caught.

They are also a hybrid melange stew of ninja, black ops super spy and rocket surgeon. They know how to dismantle a cell phone into its component parts then reassemble it just in time to make that second call when they get to the hotel parking lot. They know all the best hiding places, they know just the right cover story to tell the wife if she happens to find their secret hookerphone.

"HI Brittney, this is 'John', I'm in the lobby. What's the room number?"

I am seriously not making this up. There have been ongoing forum posts about the best way to hide your phone. Put it behind the drop ceiling panels in the office. Hide it in your gym bag. Put it under the spare tire, the wife never looks there. Until she has a flat on the freeway. And sure, you can always have a cover story ready. “Oh that? Yeah, I found it in the parking lot at work, someone must have dropped it.” Well, why did you put it in this secret compartment behind the wheel well, honey? Why not just call the number listed in the call log to see who it belongs to? Hello, ‘Brittney’? Your number’s listed on this throwaway cell phone I just found hidden in my husband’s car… you’re a WHAT?

You can be sure the next call she makes on that disposable phone is to a divorce lawyer.

Keep it simple. Anything you have to hide will be found. The more you have to explain how you happen to have a second phone, the less likely your explanation will be believable. Any lie you tell your wife will at some point be exposed. So, the deeper and more convoluted the story you tell, the worse it’s gonna be for you in the end.

Currently, my favorite phone solution, and one I’m using right now, is Google Voice. With Google Voice, you don’t need to have a separate device, or add an additional line to your existing plan (which would leave a paper trail). And it’s free. As of right now, though, it is only available by invitation. But it gives you a new phone number that you can use with any handset.

And you won’t have to hide your secret phone in the potted plant.

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